God give me the patience and the strength...2

[theotherhalf]

i don't think i am in fear any longer. i no longer am afraid i might say or do the wrong thing. whatever happens at this point,happens. i just wish for piece in my life. Of course I still do not want the divorce but if that is what's to be then at least maybe I'll find peace. If I could file I would, but I can't just yet.

i have a lawyers appt. tues. I drew up an agreement between H and I for the farm opperation. I went over what it said on the phone. He agreed to sign it. We were supposed to meet this morning to sit down and talk about the financial issues etc. well with what happened we didn't.

I did act this morning. I got his truck pulled here to home so that it would not be impounded. $$$ for the most reason. I then talked to him on the phone to tell him I was doing that and he was screaming out in pain. IT'S ME who I am, I had to go to him. I tried to get him to go to the hospitol to get checked out. Of course he wouldn't go. I didn't want to leave him alone so I didn't. I didn't ask any question, I didn't talk to him, I didn't ask for permission to stay. I just sat in the chair and watched tv. We were there a couple of hours. Long enough for him to sleep awhile. Then we came out to the farm. I helped him get tire aired up on the truck, hay the cows, and stood watch over him while he checked for new calves.

He didn't ask me to do any of this. He did say a couple of times, "I'm fine, or I can get it" I just said I know just let me help. and he did. When we were done. He dropped me off here at home and told me thank you 3 times before leaving. I told him I didn't think he should be alone. He said to call him later or he'd call me. I asked him to promise to call if he would turn for the worse.

He didn't call. I knew he wouldn't. and I never called him either. Heard through the grapevine he was okay. That's all that really matters so I left it at that.

Some say maybe this will wake him up...um...I pray that they are right...um...I doubt it.