Walk it off Pick up all the pieces of your broken heart You don't have to worry She don't care anymore She ain't there anymore Hit the wall 'Cause no one you can call is gonna ease your pain So take your torn umbrella out into the rain Walk it off
Run Boy you were born to run Now the day has come She's left you standin' still So deal How does it feel To have to face the fact She ain't coming back Walk it off (repeat)
Walk it off Though you might not ever see her face again Sittin' here alone just scares you half to death Boy don't hold your breath
Walk it off
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My last thread locked. I haven't been as active of late contributing to this forum; just lurking and trying to follow what everyone else is going through. I can't say there have been any serious developments in my sitch, other than me becoming more resigned to the fate of my M.
W is still keeping up pretenses with me. I don't know why. She is definitely still pursuing the OM, still considers me to be the antichrist, still holds contempt and disrespect for me -- and yet she still tries to pass herself off as diligent, hard-working, honest and true, not to mention the better, more faithful parent. I don't know how on one hand she has nothing but utter disregard for what I might think or feel regarding decisions and matters concerning us or our S's, and yet in chitchatting with me she will offer that she has such an awfully busy schedule all the time, and that the reason she had to leave out last night (Friday), after I picked the boys up from the house, was to see a patient, or like today that she was late coming back this evening to call our children because she had a patient an hour's drive east of the metro area (which just so happens to be the same town OM lives in, by some funny coincidence.) I really don't want to hear it, but I feel like I have to tolerate it. What I really want to say to her is to shut the h*ll up and quit offering these lies and lame excuses to me -- I ain't buying.
WTF. I am now at the point that I no longer can stand to be around her -- I just don't like the person she has become at all. If the person I fell in love with 17 years ago is still in there somewhere, I have grown weary of trying to find any evidence of her. And the more this alien continues to threaten my relationship with what is left of my fractured family, my two S's, the less inclined I am willing to continue to look for her better angel. I now only have my two S's as my reason for being at present, and she wants to take even that away too. I can only see this as her trying to utterly destroy me once and for all, to sacrifice me for the sake of her selfish aims.
And yet she still persists in trying to pawn this pretense of her innocence off on me. Why? To garner my respect? To try to convince me she is still acting out of all honor and decency? Or to lull me into complacency, so I will more easily allow myself be led to the slaughter?
------------ Thursday, I went to a dinner party with several of my Divorce Care group cohorts. We had a good time, and discussed a lot of subjects concerning our spouses. It was also a bit of a wake as well as a party -- two of our group's D's became final the next day, Friday. My friend, "M", was one of them. She was in amazingly upbeat spirits despite this. She was at peace with this outcome and had buried the hatchet with her husband, for the most part.
One thing that came up in our conversations: "M" told me I needed to lose my wedding band. She had a point, that it was likely aggravating my W to no end seeing me still wearing it when she had already moved on. But I continue to wear my ring, not for W but for my covenant with God, and as an act of integrity, for the sake of my S's.
