So now we move into what am I missing. I have to push this person that is asking questions but not listening to what I say. Now the as*hole in me would say, if I am taking the time to answer the questions with solutions. Said person ought to listen. Then you show yourself. You showed me what your husband is running from.
I told you to be "Coy" and started pushing. Sometimes I feel like I can't push like I want to. I temper it with I may offend someone here. I get yelled at by the Mods or some random person throwing their .02 in. I have NEVER told anyone here that their posts did not have merit. Yet I have been "called out" many times. Yes, I hold a little anger on that. I am pushing with "temperance" here.
Now I touch on something. I got your attention again. You are confused. Here it is in all it glory. This is how I KNOW you are a good willed person with sub par tools.
Then you lied to me. Right here I knew something big was coming. Look I am P guy 110% So that makes me 110% DAM. I think with it. You have some DAM in you. You are more physical than you think you are. Right here I knew it. For a physical person standing in front of others "Naked" is a hard thing. Almost impossible. You are giving "Everyone" a look. They are looking at what you "prize" the most.
Now we are going to throw up the Co-Dependant card. Have we not all been right there. I have been Co-Dependant. You are showing me you have NFC. I get that! You ask, I answer, You ignore. You are just telling me you can't hear me. Hold up a sign, I have NFC. I won't make fun of you and no one here will. It's OK!
There is some fluff. Then I explain why I am doing this. You need to be on more stable ground. You are standing in line for the Griffon (front seat) and have no one to hold onto. I want you in the kiddie line.
I am still missing something but I am rethinking my approach. I am not sure what to do. I am flip-flopping as newbies do. I leave you with a test. I am still looking. I am poking at you. Finally the end of the first thread.
I'll be back.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
You are re-affirming my thoughts that he can still see Queen B in you. Also you are showing me that you "shine" at times. I feel I am still missing something but am maybe "spinning" it to much.
Now I ask for some space because I am sick. I can see you reaching but I cant see what for. I want to post but I just can't. I am on some good drugs at this point. I see where I may be able to find the answer. I am just not up to it.
Those were the words. In all their Black and White glory. I wanted to give you more. Life took its toll.
I am pushing hard with this one. I want you to do it. You are showing me that you think with "humor" and don't want to be confused. I wrote it as clear as I could. Still understanding I did not have the whole story.
Now I told you.. You are handing out some tools. You did not do it of your own "free will".
Starshyne..
"MMB, it still amazes me how strong you are. You might not think so, but having read your situation from the beginning (we joined around the same time I believe), I see you as the type of woman I WANT to be."
You may have given her something to reach for. She needs to "shine"
Lan...
"I've just seen the other side to my sitch unfold before me with MMB playing the role of my W."
He saw me write it. There was still some doubt.
"but H not overly angry, infact he quite intrigued and wanted all the intimate details. He even thought about the condom joke. Me thinks his pride / ego dented, and very soon he'll try to restore it."
He's not coming for sex. He is coming for the "fix". He will not find it "there". Lan missed you are him.
"Ok, when you wrote about your PA, the bravdo, the "I've got a f** buddy, the I couldn't careless attitude, I saw all of that in my W. In fact when I tried to discuss it with her she just told me whats done is done, get over it. That comment hurt just as much as the PA."
Hmmm... I like the word "bravado". Has Queen B all over it. Wait.. Oh.. I see it now. When she told him to forget about it she was "dancing naked". Hmm..
"I would more say be wary of H cos right now he's gonna try to fix what he sees as the immediate problem, the A, not your R or your M hes gonna try to fix the A. We DAM try to fix things in the way we know how so H has sized you and the opposition up by asking in depth about the A."
Nail, Hammer, One Swing. He is going to try and fix it his way. Not my way or Lan's way.
Maybe this was a stepping stone to "fixing it". I would be really cautious of it.
The issue is you can't see his point of view. He can't see yours.
I will tell you right now. If he has signed papers. You have them in your hand. Then shut it down. I know it is going to be hard. I have not "been there". This applies more than ever. He said he did not expect the cost. Yet he still did it. You "shining" is you not chasing at all.
The day is coming when you will have those papers in hand. From what you are telling me. If you don't want to listen. That is fine.
You are going to have to detach. You told him to leave and he did. He is floundering around. You are going to have to show him this was his choice and you want nothing to do with it. You do that by stepping back and saying "You asked for it. You got it". Show him he can't walk away with his toes pointed at you.
You have 1 year.
As Dr Phil says... You have to earn your way out!
Do Work.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
WOW FG that'a alot to process right now. I need some time alone with my thoughts. I need to take a break for a day or 2 from the board and recap/rethink things.
I am detaching as best I think I can right now. I will not go into details but I am sure you will hit that nail on the head too.
Thanks you FG for your efforts. Don't stop please. Just give me some time now to process it.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
I am still here. Give me a little more time. I am sorting out some things in my head and heart. My heart is torn and I am getting to a point in this that I don't know if I realy want him back anymore.
We seem to have become BEST FRIENDS all over again and to Lanzo...H didn't try to F*** the other man out of me but did ask for something else and I gave in but stopped it almost as soon as it started. Hence my need to take some time.
Cryptic I know but know I will be back shortly.
Heather
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
