[girlfromipanema]

Today was my first day attending the painting class. I learned about color theory and practiced mixing paint colors. I enjoyed myself very much. It was a nice distraction, since Saturdays are the days H and our above mentioned friend are together doing/shooting/playing (?) archery for 5+ hours. I'm doing my best to maintain my PMA, but it's difficult when I know the two of them are alone together.

H and I continue on the same track - we're pleasant to each other, but nothing more than that. We are completely disconnected. I miss what we once had and wonder if it's possible to get that back.

I was talking to a friend today about how I'm nervous that I'll end up alone. Before my marriage I was with one guy for almost 10 years - from 18 to 28, with a few break ups spattered about in our early 20's. I knew I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with him but we had a passionate love for each other and it was difficult to make a break. After we finally broke it off for good, I was alone for just over a year and not one man tried to express interest in me until my now husband. To be honest, I was the one who initiated things with him. My friend says it's because men find me intimidating - which is absolutely not true. I'm attractive, but not extraordinary. I'm a bit shy at first, and not much of a flirt so maybe I send a signal to men that says "stay away". Anyway, it's too early to think about a future without my husband, but my mind tends to wander and I think about all the possibilies my future may hold.

I think tomorrow I'll plant some flowers.