If you will read my first post, you will see what this on line "friendship" can lead to. If you have a web cam, then I can grant you that she is doing more than talking! These on line affairs (and that is what they are) are causing more and more breakups in M today.
My H snooped also and I was so furious at him that for the first time in my life I came close to hating him. Even though I was the one talking to the OM, I felt like he had betrayed me! Doesn't make sense, does it? But, that is how she will react. She won't feel remorse, more than likely, so don't expect it. this is her fantasy world and she doesn't want you to ruin it for her either. However, it is already her "drug of choice", so to speak, and she is addicted whether she realizes it or not. It took time for me to fact those cold facts about myself, then when I went cold turkey....I found out. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that intimate & meaningful conversation is her love language. She probably needs to be told that she is beautiful, sexy, talented, smart, and every other praise you can think to tell her. Don't be one of these H's that thinks she should already "know" that.....b/c it is not like "hearing" it from a man.
I was 59 years old and had been M 41 years and never thought about looking at another man! But, after years of emotional needs not being met and almost totaly ignored by my H, I fell into a snare that I was not prepared to handle. When these men who were usually a lot younger than I was....I mean a lot younger.....saw me on the cam and started all those lies about how beautiful & sexy I was....you think I didn't fall for that? I was starved to death for it.
Don't try to force her hand as though she is your child and she must obey you, but I would confront her about it and explain how it hurts you and ask her to stop for the sake of your M and that you will do your best to give her what you have neglected to do in the past.
I had a on-line friendship before things started turning sexual, but it turned into an emotional thing for me. I could hardly wait to get to the computer to talk to him b/c he was fun and I enjoyed his company. In other words, he made me forget the pain I was in at home in my own M. He kept telling me that I was falling for him and it would make me mad b/c he was so much younger than me and I did not find him physically attractive at all....saw him a time or two on his cam before I got one of my own. However, my emotions were getting caught up in it all. Instead of spending time with my H, I wanted to be with my friend. I knew nothing would become of it and we had done nothing wrong...short of flirting a little bit, but that was the beginning of me finding others to flirt a little more heavily with and then....well it got bad.
When my H found out, he demanded that I delete all of my on-line "friends" and I did....or at least I thought I had. In a few days, one of them saw I was on line and popped up. I hung on to him and would not delete him. H found out and it got ugly and I ended up having a big EA with other man. Thank God it did not lead to a PA, but it would have (I think) if I had not rec'd some excellent advice from people here on the board.
Take this very, very serious. I even went to a C and she said what I was doing was not "wrong" and that it was not adultry! So, your W can find anyone to agree with her. I don't care what anyone says....it is wrong if you are M! Whenever there are secrets, only trouble will follow, rest assured.
She will go through a "withdrawal" period.....almost like a drug. If she has had an EA with a certain man, she will grieve for him and you must allow her time for this. I know b/c I did. It is hard for a man to understand how this works if he has never read about it or experienced it himself. But, the OM on-line can be her fantasy man. Of course, he couldn't live up to what she has imagined him to be in her mind, but still....she wants the fantasy.
I hope she can get a handle on this ASAP! Anytime you want to talk, this is the best place to come. Folks here got my head on straight and got my eyes open to what the reality was and what was happening to me.
Take care, and please don't stop posting. This is the link to my first post.
