But I noticed that when you made your W's baby step list you lost a bit of your PMA. I have re-quoted below and removed what I think are the negatives by striking through- I hope it illustrates how negative thinking is affecting your interpretation of events......
Originally Posted By: Purr
It's hard because in the last couple of weeks, it's felt like a major shift towards her ending the relationship, but before that I saw some baby steps.
-W. has maintained contact through email usually every 1-2 days since January. -W. has moved from negligible contact, to going for a few walks, going out to dinner/theatre, going to MC for a few sessions (though W. says the MC has never been for reconciling, only "exploration") -W. has said she wants to be free. A few weeks ago she said "I can easily imagine being with you and this all working out. And I can easily imagine not being with you and that being fine too." On our last walk before her trip, she said "I can't imagine being with you. And I can't really imagine being with someone else." I suppose the positive is that it's not final for her, but hard to see a baby step at all there. -W. held my arm while we walked. -Hugged silently 10 minutes in the rain -W. asked me re: MC to send her the date to confirm next session. -this stuff re: work I am doing on myself is noticed and "very attractive to her" (but then all kinds of other stuff re: frustrations, don't want to work on anything, see other people etc....how does that fit together?!) - "I'm not wanting to work on it...right now" She always has this qualifier on there. But saying she thinks about dating others and that she wants to have us "live our lives apart" seems very hard to see as a baby step. That's a major thing I have a hard time overlooking. It really feels like it's on the edge of ending.
.....so with a PMA your list would read....
Originally Posted By: Purr
I saw some baby steps.
-W. has maintained contact through email usually every 1-2 days since January. -W. has moved from negligible contact, to going for a few walks, going out to dinner/theatre, going to MC for a few sessions -it's not final for her, -W. held my arm while we walked. -Hugged silently 10 minutes in the rain -W. asked me re: MC to send her the date to confirm next session. -this stuff re: work I am doing on myself is noticed and "very attractive to her" - "I'm not wanting to work on it...right now" - she wants to work on it in the future
The second list looks pretty positive to me (much more than the first!)......Do you think you're focussing too much on what your W says? In DR MWD says that you musn't believe anything they say and only 50% of what they do (or focus on the positives). That's because they are hurting, so will say things to justify their actions. However, when they do something positive, it's usually forced it's way out of the ether, so it counts all the more that you're seeing it.
Hugging you for 10 minutes is huge for a girl- if I was saying goodbye to my H and walking away it'd be a quick hug and a peck on the cheek. So is her going to MC with you (whatever she says it's for)
Print off the POSITIVE list and stick it on your mirror!
Whatever you are doing, she is liking it- she told you it was attractive to her, which is MASSIVE! And often, a WAS will have a period of withdrawal after taking baby steps- it's a way of checking themselves. Patience and PMA my friend! I'm jealous of the positive list you have! I wish my H would say he found me attractive (or hug me for 10 minutes, or go to MC with me, or even talk about working on it!).
L.xx
PS Sorry for the really long post- I think this is a record, even for me!
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
