Okay, now for the tougher list...baby steps I've seen in my W. I think it's hard because in the last couple of weeks, it's felt like a major shift towards her ending the relationship, but before that I saw some baby steps. That's where I get confused: I haven't seen any of late. W. has been away for a week now on her trip...no email.
Well, here goes: -W. has maintained contact through email usually every 1-2 days since January. -W. has moved from negligible contact, to going for a few walks, going out to dinner/theatre, going to MC for a few sessions (though W. says the MC has never been for reconciling, only "exploration") -W. has said she wants to be free. A few weeks ago she said "I can easily imagine being with you and this all working out. And I can easily imagine not being with you and that being fine too." On our last walk before her trip, she said "I can't imagine being with you. And I can't really imagine being with someone else." I suppose the positive is that it's not final for her, but hard to see a baby step at all there. -W. held my arm while we walked. Hugged silently 10 minutes in the rain (is this positive, or just a goodbye?) -W. asked me re: MC to send her the date to confirm next session. -this stuff re: work I am doing on myself is noticed and "very attractive to her" (but then all kinds of other stuff re: frustrations, don't want to work on anything, see other people etc....how does that fit together?!)
I have to say that it is very confusing. And she kept saying "I'm not wanting to work on it...right now" She always has this qualifier on there. But saying she thinks about dating others and that she wants to have us "live our lives apart" seems very hard to see as a baby step. That's a major thing I have a hard time overlooking. It really feels like it's on the edge of ending.
Okay, that's what I can see. Feel free to help me wherever I am stuck!! I've been having a hard time the last few days trying to not have expectations/hopes of email, trying not to think about her surrounded with men and booze at a vulnerable time, etc. To be honest, those thoughts are proving very difficult for me right now.
I'm not sure if I did these lists right! Comments or feedback? Blindspots for me that can be seen? Any support would be kindly welcome : )
