I guess that is a great thing. I used to really need these boards, for any little move.
I think that today, it is just more of a ventish post.
For the past couple of weeks, Javier and I have been fine.
He wants to be a very good friend to me. I kinda keep it, at arms length, and just focus on it more like a business partnership.
Except today. I was opening up the bills. I still have some bills that come to my house under both our names.
This one was the wireless bill, but I opened it anyway, it was where Javier added Susan's number to his wireless plan.
Family sharing plan. I read sharing FAMILY plan, over and over, and I don't know why i just lost it.
I mean i called poor Always 14, just crying about it.
And this week has not been an easy week to begin with. Si i just really lost it.
Soo, i just had to get it all out.
Family, the word family just made me sick, and so sad.
And ick, I do not want him back. It is just that i remember how he made my life hell, b/c he wanted me off his phone plan. He would yell at me get your own Fing line already, get off my shitt.
Gosh he was awful.
And I guess seeing that bill today, brought back to me all those bade memories, like a flood of emotion.
I was just feeling hurt already this week, so ick.
We also have a joint bank account we use for emergencies, and he was recently using it for his personal use. That is ok b/c i didn't have any of my money in it
But it just means that when I log on to my bank on line i was able to see his transactions.
I HATE to see that he spent 80 bucks on flowers for Easter for her.
And he told me that the kids will only get one Easter basket , that they can share b/c he has no money.
So when he called today, I told him about all of it. The money on flowers, the phone line, all of it. How i love how he had no money for the kids, but for her he did. He was silent. Said to me, tell the kids i will be there at one, and hung up.
About 2 hours after he picked up the kids, I get a call on my cell from a weird phone number. It was my son Guess what mom, I have a cell phone?
(eye roll) I should of known he was gonna do that. I mean Guilt gifts are his thing. Soooo whatever.
I said put your dad on the phone, and I said um. I thougth we discussed that the kids were to young for a cell phone. He said yes we did, but I thought in case of emergencies, they should have one. And he said and don't worry, I will pay for it monthly
and I said well yeah no shitt
I am pissed off at myself really, for letting all this get to me.
I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, that he might be you know, changing. Maybe becoming a bit more normal.
Maybe stop LYING so much.
But, nooo, he cries poverty, but he has the money, b/c in 3 days of the transations i saw, he spent 400 dollars.
And it was just at stores and places to eat and here and there.
The fact they susan and javier are getting closer or more serious, makes me ick too.
B/c i wanted her to be a bandaid, But oh, what can you do. I thought I was forgiving him much more than this. I just wanted to believe in him more.
Soooooo back to ZERO expectations. Blech.
What are you gonna do?
Other than bad judgement on my part, I am good.
The kids are wonderful and growing so fast (sigh)
Where does the time go? Really, I am trying not to let the hustle and bustle of it all just slip on by. I want to enjoy it too.
And where the heck is spring? I have beautiful sandals that must be worn.
Thanks for reading my vent.
Bar is open.
Last edited by Lissie; 03/29/0810:22 PM.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
((( Lissie ))) My eyes welled up reading your post, its so damn hard, I am so sorry, it hurts for what seems like forever, in fact the residue, does it ever end?
After going on 6 yrs the residue I feel now is for my S and how I feel he has been "ripped off" so I understand how you feel about your ex and his poor mouthing, mine too, when he threatened not to pay for S last year of college ( or rather help S pay for it) I just came right out and said maybe if your chickie and you cut down your trips , you could do the responsible thing for your ONLY child! idiot man! he did agree tho, go figure.
Ya know Lissie they do get it eventually, whether they change or not, is another story, but after my ex being in mlc for at least 6 yrs, he is now seeing the destruction he left in his path, but my gosh it took a lot of time and pain, and will he change? prob not, but hes now aware, so J may too, sooner or later and Susan will not be this perfect wonderful fault-less woman he may percieve her as now, I can see my ex and his chickie not being as hunkey dorey as I had imagined these past 4 yrs , That rose has lost its bloom at least partially too.
You will see, then whatever happens will be most likley your call. I'm glad to be done w/ it.
Have a nice rest of your weekend. I dont need this board either so much but what a great bunch of folks there are.
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
I know what you mean on the bank account thing, Lissie.
If you will allow me to vent too, as I am not allowed to have my own thread.(and that's a whole other vent)
Anyhow, I just go online to pay my bills and that is it. I don't look elsewhere because it only makes me mad and I am just not wanting to get mad over his spending. H whines too about his debt. Yes, I see the debt, so why not stop spending??? And that is debt I only see if I choose to look. He has other credit cards that I can't see so I can only imagine.
We have a F'd up thing going on, too! And like you Lissie, I am mad at myself more than anything. Him not so mad at because this is his M.O. Always has been.
Not to fuel the flames or anything, but I SOOOOOO relate.
Mitch is making GOBS of money now, but he wants me and my parents to pitch in for the kids camp this summer (which his father was supposed to pay for but backed out of half of it--The M's are not men of their word obviously).
It makes me sick. And meanwhile, he is planning trips to Germany with his woman and will be staying in luxury near a lake and will have all the extra cash to do with what he wants while all I have goes to pay for track uniforms and swimsuits for the kids and the new car and my kids and family.
The house needs to a new roof. The driveway needs to be paved. The paint in the bathroom is peeling. Things are falling apart. I can't do it myself. He would never help me. he "says" we're still a family, but as you say, talk is cheap.
I get it woman, I really do.
But...let me help you re-direct your focus.
He wants to be your friend and even though he lies about how much he has, he still does pay for stuff for you and the kids and he doesn't HAVE to, but he does and that's way more than what I get. And he could decide to hate you and not be your friend and he hasn't. Mitch is not my friend and doesn't want to be. We barely communicate.
And, Javier is there in the same town and a part of the kids' lives and I can't tell you how much that means. Believe me, my children are suffering terribly and feel that Mitch does not love them any more or "as much" because he is moving. I think they are right...he doesn't love them as much any more. I would never say such a thing to them, but the kids know the truth and it sucks.
My favorite line from these boards...what we focus on expands. You are so blessed and have so much and are so loved.
Well, at least we made you laugh this morning, after all. And, without 'how Dr. 6th Sense saw ghosts" stories. Instead, it was about the "fra fra voom voom girls"
We keep asking ourselves...."geez...shouldn't we know better by now...why do we get so suckered"
Well, we don't know better when others portray themselves otherwise. And, talk isn't cheap for us.
But, how about this. How about we make pact to be more realistic. How about we try to keep from being pessimistic and jaded, but are more realistic and honest.
You know what Javier is about. He's had 2 years to prove it to you. He's a different guy. Like my friends constantly tell me about xh "Always, the man you knew is GONE...." Yep. So, why expect anything? Things change with these guys on a whim. It's best to assume reality, the "trend" of what they have demonstrated in the past few years. Anything better can just be an occasional delight, and nothing more.
I agree with Althea. If you catch him on the weeks where he's promising you the world, being nice and sappy, take it. Get what you need then. Gently hit him up for what you need. And, leave it at that and don't expect it again and don't expect consistency.
So, then we get all depressed (and dramatic, of course)..."who can we trust, why are people like this...." We CAN trust ourselves, your kids, our families, our friends. That's a lot.
Karen,thank you sweetness. 6 years for him and still in a rut.
And look how your life is so wonderful. Hope you enjoyed that lemon drop.
Trip, yeah, thanks for passing by and understanding. Exactly, imagine what he spends that i don't see. I have to remember that he is My X. And he can spend how he wants.
He does have his secret batcave account, that I never see the purchases, I just don't know what was up this week.
Glad you were able to vent here.
Drink on me. I know you like that cooochie galore stuff.
Althea
Quote:
And, Javier is there in the same town and a part of the kids' lives and I can't tell you how much that means. Believe me, my children are suffering terribly and feel that Mitch does not love them any more or "as much" because he is moving. I think they are right...he doesn't love them as much any more. I would never say such a thing to them, but the kids know the truth and it sucks.
siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh
Thank you for letting me see my blessings. I want to only look at my blessings, and really have been trying too. I love you and thank you for shifting my focus dear heart.
Always 14,
Quote:
So, then we get all depressed (and dramatic, of course)..."who can we trust, why are people like this...." We CAN trust ourselves, your kids, our families, our friends. That's a lot.
I would not trade my dramatic weekend calls with you for anything.
And you are sooo right, my beauty. I have my family, my children, and real friends like you. I love you, sooo much.
Cire, thanks for passing by lovey.
ACK,
going out dancing,let me get a move on.
luv ya
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
