Talk is Cheap..............

[Lissie]

Sooooooo Long time no post.

I guess that is a great thing. I used to really need these boards, for any little move.

I think that today, it is just more of a ventish post.

For the past couple of weeks, Javier and I have been fine.

He wants to be a very good friend to me. I kinda keep it, at arms length, and just focus on it more like a business partnership.

Except today. I was opening up the bills. I still have some bills that come to my house under both our names.

This one was the wireless bill, but I opened it anyway, it was where Javier added Susan's number to his wireless plan.

Family sharing plan. I read sharing FAMILY plan, over and over, and I don't know why i just lost it.

I mean i called poor Always 14, just crying about it.

And this week has not been an easy week to begin with. Si i just really lost it.

Soo, i just had to get it all out.

Family, the word family just made me sick, and so sad.

And ick, I do not want him back. It is just that i remember how he made my life hell, b/c he wanted me off his phone plan. He would yell at me get your own Fing line already, get off my shitt.

Gosh he was awful.

And I guess seeing that bill today, brought back to me all those bade memories, like a flood of emotion.

I was just feeling hurt already this week, so ick.


We also have a joint bank account we use for emergencies, and he was recently using it for his personal use. That is ok b/c i didn't have any of my money in it

But it just means that when I log on to my bank on line i was able to see his transactions.

I HATE to see that he spent 80 bucks on flowers for Easter for her.

And he told me that the kids will only get one Easter basket , that they can share b/c he has no money.



So when he called today, I told him about all of it. The money on flowers, the phone line, all of it. How i love how he had no money for the kids, but for her he did. He was silent. Said to me, tell the kids i will be there at one, and hung up.

About 2 hours after he picked up the kids, I get a call on my cell from a weird phone number. It was my son Guess what mom, I have a cell phone?

(eye roll) I should of known he was gonna do that. I mean Guilt gifts are his thing. Soooo whatever.

I said put your dad on the phone, and I said um. I thougth we discussed that the kids were to young for a cell phone. He said yes we did, but I thought in case of emergencies, they should have one. And he said and don't worry, I will pay for it monthly

and I said well yeah no shitt


I am pissed off at myself really, for letting all this get to me.

I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, that he might be you know, changing. Maybe becoming a bit more normal.

Maybe stop LYING so much.

But, nooo, he cries poverty, but he has the money, b/c in 3 days of the transations i saw, he spent 400 dollars.

And it was just at stores and places to eat and here and there.


The fact they susan and javier are getting closer or more serious, makes me ick too.

B/c i wanted her to be a bandaid, But oh, what can you do. I thought I was forgiving him much more than this.
I just wanted to believe in him more.


Soooooo back to ZERO expectations.
Blech.

What are you gonna do?



Other than bad judgement on my part, I am good.

The kids are wonderful and growing so fast (sigh)

Where does the time go? Really, I am trying not to let the hustle and bustle of it all just slip on by. I want to enjoy it too.

And where the heck is spring? I have beautiful sandals that must be worn.


Thanks for reading my vent.

Bar is open.