my story adventures of a WAW!

[christarn]

Thanks Jay...I am being patient!! Somedays it is hard, as you well know. I know it may sound crazy, but I just have this feeling inside of me, this is what I am supposed to be doing. I know in my heart that God will let me know when it is time to let go. But for now, He is giving me strength, courage and hope to keep my head held high and to fight for my R/M. I totally agree that it is a positive that my H is still wavering. I think if he truly wanted to end things, he has a lawyer on retainer...I think he would have already pulled the trigger and gotten on with pushing the D...but he hasn't. When and if she decides to come back, it will be so hard to get past those feelings of anger and resentment...I know because when my H and I used to talk about reconciling, it's all he could say, how hurt and angry he was, and how could he ever trust me again. I don't have all of the answers. I just try to think of things in different ways now. I try to think of the good times instead of all of the bad times...like thinking of our wedding day and how that was truly the best day of my life so far. And the day he proposed to me....and sometimes when I think about those things, my anger and feelings of rage would start to subside. In your case you have kids also to think about. I know it must have hurt them tremendously when their mother left, but children are resilient(sp) and if/when she would come back think of what is yet to come. I recently heard a saying and I try to think of it daily now and use it in live my life.... "if you live always looking back thru the rearview mirror of life and not looking forward, your setting yourself up to crash"...I just kind of like that little quote!

As for your sitch, I know how devistating it must be for you to watch your life crumble before your eyes. It's been one month since she left, I am sure you are hitting your anger stage which must be hard for you. Take time out for yourself. Work on GAL, take time to do things not only with your boys, but with your guy friends. It's important for you, so you can attempt to keep your sanity. I know it's easier said than done, and it took me at least 8-9 months to really get this whole DB thing down. But, in the end, if saving your R/M is what you want, this is a good place to be. You can do this, you are doing this. God gives you everything you need to fight the battle, it's finding the strength, courage and confidence He has already instilled within you to continue on fighting the good fight. He wouldn't set you up for something you couldn't handle. Believe in yourself!

Take care JS (((((BIG BIG BIG HUGS)))))
Christa