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Up, yeah, he is a real control freak. He was always like that...never talks about D though...I bring it up...like maybe that will wake him up...but it doesn't. I know BAD dbing.

I understand that you are tired, sweets. Me too...BUT...still no talk of D or whatever...however, I feel that if he did want one it would go fairly quickly as he is a lawyer and we could get it done fairly quickly. sigh.

Jinkies! your ex had OW???? WTF?

I feel for you...

My surgery will be sometime in May, I think...dunno, have to schedule it...go in on April 7th and will probably schedule then. I feel that after that is done, I will be in a better place to make decisions and maybe I can quit being on this emotional rollercoaster because of hormones.

I want peace and harmony in my life, my body and mind...


Aug '06: H moved out
July '08: H had a kid with the OW
May 12 '09: emancipation day

"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller

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You have peace, and harmony in your life...keep saying that to yourself..it will make you fel better.Not that you want, you HAVE.

oh Vali, sometimes i thin kWe are the crazy ones .

All you can do is day by day. moment by Moment. Ther is no past and ther is no future. Just right now.

That is what i do when i am feeling down. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt.

Whatever the situation is , it is temporary. I know you willbe better than ok.

just enjoy every moment.

(((((((hugs)))))))

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Kiki, I agree...I DO think I am crazy sometimes...I KNOW my family and close friends think that too.

You are right, I need to keep repeating that to myself...

You are also right that there is no past or future...LIMBO. we are in the present. Maybe that is something we have to accept...the here and now.

This is only a temporary hell even if it feels like we have been here for 15 lifetimes...

Thanks for the hugs!


Aug '06: H moved out
July '08: H had a kid with the OW
May 12 '09: emancipation day

"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller

Joined: May 2007
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Hey Vali-
Wow, how does your H pull off being a control freak and avoidant at the same time? The ony thing my H wants control over right now is his life...I think he just doesn't want to have to be responsible or obligated...but I guess that is what MLC is about!

We feel like our lives are in limbo when they don't really want to be married but they don't want a D. Don't they feel like they are in limbo too?

Yep, my first H was a real prize ...he is now married to the OW...and they have had 4 or 5 kids together (looooong story but OW never estabished paternity on the first child and gave it up). My XH and the OW finally got married after she was pregnant with the 3rd kid. Neither of them have shown me much remorse for what the did to my kids or me ...in fact, just a month ago, she told me that she had nothing to do with the break-up of my M...talk about denial!

Good luck with your surgery and I hope you do some research on HRT. I know it can really help you but make sure you know if there are any risks too.

Our H's have some things in common...Not only do they cycle, but they are both attorney's. Oh well, we just need to let them go round and round while we try to make our lives as fulfilling as possible. No point in dwelling on them right???

If you can keep on going, so can I. Thanks for the inspiration.

<3
Upside

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OMG, no wonder our sitch's are alike...we're both married to lawyers...they are such control freaks! Actually Mr. Lawyer Man (MLM) is a control freak regarding finances only...I had really flubbed it up when he went wacko...so he took finances over and has really done an amazing job.

Whatever happens with us...reconciliation or divorce, I will be in good financial shape...

My H wants to be responsible for EVERYTHING...except me or our Marriage, of course. He is responsible for his mom, the taxes on her house, upgrades for our house...the lawn care on our house, paying our joint bills...

SO, let's just focus on us for now and let them keep going round and round. No sense in driving our selves crazy, right? We CAN do this!!!

(((((((((((((((Upside Down)))))))))))))))))))

Vali


Aug '06: H moved out
July '08: H had a kid with the OW
May 12 '09: emancipation day

"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller

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Funny, my H is the irrepsonsible one with money...and he thinks I am the control freak...maybe in some ways I was a little...I have let a lot of stuff go. Anyway, it is good that your H has done well with the finances. I take care of myself financially...and it has been a little scary since I bought a brand new house and had to put in a yard, outdoor lighting, fencing, a pool, window coverings and furniture...not to mention the mortgage!...yikes.

So, focus on us...yep! I have lots to keep me busy and it sounds like you do too. I just wish there was a way to erase them from our minds even if only temporarily!

Hope you are having a good day.

<3
Upside


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Quote:
My H wants to be responsible for EVERYTHING...except me or our Marriage


Vali please re-read what you wrote. I think he is doing all these things b/c he wants to control you. As for the finances if he is keeping them in shape and you will benefit from that keep letting him have control


Me 43
XH 45
M 2.7.88
Divorce 7.10.09
Kids D20,S17 & D15
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Upside, wish I were the one buying a new house and all...right now, I am working on keeping a grip on not spending...I tend to buy things when I get depressed and many years being depressed (although I did not know it at the time) because of infertility and the 3 miscarriages made me spend like there was no tomorrow.

So, the new Vali want to be able to have my own credit cards---well I had that already---BUT the difference is, I don't want to spend when I am depressed, I want to channel my energy elsewhere...to someting positive for ME.

I'll get there, I have no doubt about that.

I don'tt think I am having a good day...yesterday was that sad, sad funeral. Made me realize how short life is and made me wonder how long this will all take...I don;t want to look at this time as wasted...so I will contine to work on me.

Hugs,
V



Aug '06: H moved out
July '08: H had a kid with the OW
May 12 '09: emancipation day

"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 3,848
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 3,848
ACJ, I don't want to be controlled by MLM. or anybody else for that matter.

Maybe that is the reason that he won't file for D...not because he wants to work on the M...he has NEVER said the entire time he has been gone that he wants to come back or work on our r or work on him...I think he does what he does b/c he still has a level of control.

I begin to doubt if he will ever come back. I think he wants to be intimate with me not because its his 'love language' but because it is a way to have control...

OMG, you have hit the nail on the head. OMG, I never saw it .....

Now I am mad as hell...I do not want to play his game.

I feel like going dark or as dim as possible may be in my best interest.

Now I feel like I know what type of [censored] I have been married to all along.

thank you for making me see that.


Aug '06: H moved out
July '08: H had a kid with the OW
May 12 '09: emancipation day

"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 113
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it may be best to calm down now before you do something you will regret. what would be a 180 for you? have you ever thanked your husband for taking care of the finances for you? do you take him for granted? no he may be a real SOB but we only hear your side of things.are you just going to stew until you explode. what would be a real 180 for you?

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