Thank you for your post on my thread. I have had a quick read of yours and get the gist I hope. If you looked back at my story you would have seen that I am not the best person at doing all this DBing. It gets easier though. You lost alot wieght? Me too. It is not the best way to lose it I know, my W is also worried about me, same as your H was. But now that it is off, dont know about you, but I feel and look alot better. So use it to your advantage. All this new make up you are wearing, some new clothes, and a big smile. Remember to smile, it makes people wonder what you are up too! You commented about the `acting happy` part. Well as I have been told alot, you shouldnt just act happy, you should try and be happy. Biggest difference between us is that you have kids, so cant just drop everything and go out. My W is pregnant though, so her hormones are a pain in the neck! Dont you have people who could babysit for you once a week? Your kids are quite young so I guess they go to bed early. You mentioned that it was hard in the evenings becuase that is the time you spent with H. Well if you could get a babysitter in, and go out with some friends, or go out and make some new ones (i know easier said than done! I am trying to make friends at the moment) Do things for yourself. Get a massage or a pedicure or a facial or a......... I dont know, I am not a girl! But treat yourself. Think of the money you may have spent before on your H, but not now. Spend a bit of it on yourself!
As far as R talks go. I am a big culprit. I have ruined a few good days by R talks! Timing is everything. If you really really have to, then make sure it is at a good time. For me weekdays are a really bad time, but weekends turn out to be not so much!
What is your H doing with all this time to himself? I know he seems to be taking all this in his stride, but I will guarantee you he is not! I bet he has had a few sleepless nights too.
It is good you had a breakthough, I have had several. Each one brings a bit more of a sense of peace and understanding. Things will get better, I promise. But you will have some bumps along this road. Dont want to be the one to make apoint of this, but somethings just happen that will knock us for 6. But each time it take less time to get back up that horse.
Be the woman that your husband fell in love with. Think back to your courting. How was it different?
Most of all, be happy! Whatever will be will be, and there is a reason for it we just cant see it yet. Take this chance to work on yourself a little too. I am sure that there are things you would like to change. But make sure you do them to make yourself better and happier, and not for your husband. If he notices and comes back that should just be a bonus.
I know how hard it is to lose your partner, lover, soulmate, best friend. My W was my world. Her finding OM destroyed me. But I can see what I did to contribute, and I am working on changing that. I understand that you miss him. It was always so easy to say `i missed you` when you didnt see each other for a day or a weekend, but now we really understand missing alot more. It is the small things too, you miss your husband in the evening. I miss the showers me and W took togehter after work, where we would chat about our days (wasnt good for the water bill mind you, so I am saving money now!)
If you want me to I will check back now and again. If you didnt like what I said then, I wont say anymore!
ITS GOING TO BE OK, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER!!
Steve
Me 27 W 30 M 2yrs/ T 5yrs Expecting our first child Sept 08 warning bomb (has feelings for someone) 21/12/08 I found out about OM (by snooping) 14/1/08 Living together.
