She might get a little short with the kids because she is stressed but she doesn' take it out on them.
Instead of a minefield I like to think of it as a blind man feeling his way through a razorblade factory. Nothing deadly, but unforseen and painful.
Update
When I saw W 2nd time this AM she was very apologetic for her earlier spew. I accepted her apology and told her it was no big deal.
Could she be trying to reconnect? She said something this AM about us not working together as partners. Does this mean she wants to? How do you partner with someone as you are divorcing them? Should we have a talk about our expectations?
To fix the tax problem my mail will now go to "our" house where she lives. Now we'll have to see more of each other. Beautiful.
Last edited by sleeper; 03/28/0805:17 PM.
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
I don't want to go there, her expectations are often so bizarre.
She called yesterday afternoon. She is totally OK with my mail coming to the house (may be even happy about it?). Went into great detatil about how she would be extra careful to separate it and take care of it for me, getting anything that looked important to me quickly. She was obviously surprised I made that move and created that trouble for myself to settle a homestead exemption issue with the county. Thanked me again for things I did for her (yesterday and earlier in the week). I told her I was happy to do them and glad she called when she needed help yesterday AM. Her response was, "really?"
That one comment makes me wonder if she thinks I don't want her anymore/wouldn't take her back after all that's happened.
Overall this past week was a good thing. She had kids alone and OM was out of town (they're not as close as they once were) so she got a good glimpse of what life alone will really be like. I did help her out a couple of times but I also turned her down a couple of times. The contacts I had with her were very positive, helping her out when she was desparate, surprising her with something she really wanted done but couldn't do herself physically.
Time to back off again. It will be easy because I have the kids this week.
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
expectations are such a weird thing. Sounds like you've got some nice stuff going on though. Is it the kids or the OM she's not as close to anymore?
I love that you helped her out with the physical stuff. Even though I have to admit, I find I can do more and more heavy stuff (out of necessity). Still, any help would be really appreciated so I'm sure she's thankful for yours.
Your name reminds me of The Cars tune from the late 70's, "Candy O."
Candy O, I need you, Sun dress, ruby ring...
She's not as close to the OM. She "reconnected" to the kids this past fall (sems like that's the pattern for mlcers), began to miss them and call to see them the weeks I had them.
There has been some great stuff going on. I must be cool and not get my hopes up.
Last edited by sleeper; 03/29/0805:30 PM.
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
That's good news anyway you look at it. Children always benefit from having both parents in their life and hopefully he will reconnect with you someday.
Is this proof "blood is thicker than water?" (or paper in our cases?).
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
I was feeling a little down yesterday afternoon after seeing W with potential new OM. Then.....
W called after I had gone to bed and was sound asleep. I didn't answer at first because I wasn't fully awake. When I did she asked to borrow my car in AM. I balked, said no. She immediately got angry, began comparing me to OM using some very flowery language (she had called and asked to borrow his car first and he said no too). She then accused me of having someone in bed with me. I denied it as I didn't. She called me a few choice names, hung up on me and then called back (I don't remember how many times as I was never fully awake). I finally told her she could borrow my car and I would see her in the AM.
This AM I called her, she said, "I was just thinking about calling you." (IT IS TRULY INFURIATING THAT THROUGH THIS WE HAVE NEVER LOST OUR PSYCHIC/SOUL CONNECTION THAT MADE OUR RELATIONSHIP THE MOST EXQUISITE I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED. AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!) Eh, Sorry. She apologized for calling me names last night and told me she wouldn't need car after all. doh! I told her I had to go cause I promised the hookers a ride home this AM. She laughed.
We then briefly discussed some kid issues of which we were in total agreement.
I feel much better because:
1. She sure is jealous. 2. It aint a bed of roses with OM.
Back to waiting.
Last edited by sleeper; 03/30/0802:51 PM.
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
DD mentions tonight that she asked W who her best friend was. W responded, "your daddy" (WTF?). Daughter continued that she asked W if we were ever going to live together again. W responded, "It doesn't look like it."
I am actualy pleasantly shocked that she considers me her best friend, although it does make sense as I am the one she turns to when she is stressed, sick, upset, etc., etc.
The comment "It doesn't look like it" (live together again) is harder to figure out. Does she:
1. Not want to get D's hopes up? 2. Have no desire to ever live together again? 3. Believe she's done too much damage to our R for that to ever happen?
She seems very grateful of late for any and all help/concern I extend her way and has gone out of her way to hide contacts with OM and let me know she is not going out but staying home.
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
How do you handle the contradictions, the confusion / mixed messages from your W.? It sounds like sometimes it must be really frustrating. I'm struggling with this too, and yet you seem to be doing really well...how DO you do it??
