I think this will be a marvellous chance to DB your cute little b^%t off. That will be interesting, seeing each other after so many months... Good Luck, pretend he is a stranger you are trying to seduce...
That is GREAT!!! It looks like he is reaching into HIS excuse barrel! And now you are going to see each other for the first time in 3 months!!!?#$U)(#$)#@*($#@!!! I'm SO excited for you! 10 days ago, would we have even concieved this was possible? And now, look at you!
Well I looked hot. H came. We made friendly chit chat and I left. It was fine DB, so why do I feel like crap?
Too hard to see him, it just still hurts too damn much. I just want someone to love me. Seeing him just makes me feel crap about myself - and I know its dumb, I know I shouldn't care what H thinks of me, but I do, and he obviously doesn't think I'm that great. It just feels like it would be so much easier to start with someone new without all this pain and hurt between us...
So I'm pretty emotional now. Dont think I can do the 'just friends' thing. I cant detach enough from him. Not sure what to do or what to think. Is 6 months long enough to wait?..... but I still love him and dont actually want to be with someone else. I just wish I could make it stop hurting. The way I'm feeling now is I'd be quite happy not to see him again for another 3 months.
(((((Essie))))) I'm sorry. I am guessing that you feel like crap because despite your best efforts, you did have expectations, and hey were not met! You probably don't even know what they were, or that you even had them. Also, I think that despite out best efforts, we all do get some of our feeling of self worth from what our spouses think of us, so it is hard to feel good when they seem indifferent at best!
No one but you gets to decide how long to wait, that is the power YOU have! For now, why not work on being an even better Essie (if that's possible) for YOU! See how you feel in a few weeks, or even months before you make any real decisions.
More hugs! It drives me crazy to see friends hurting!
Thanks Jeff. I really appreciate you being so understanding, and really just being there! All of what you said is true - I know I had expectations, and they weren't met.... They were all sub-conscious but I guess the expectation was that he was going to start showing some sort of interest. And you are so right it is hard to feel good about yourself when they seem indifferent - that's exactly how it felt.
I'm still crying, and I hate it that that's what he does to me. Arrrgghhh. I had a headache after my first post and went had a bit of a snooze and while I feel a bit better, I still am obviously upset and trying to make sense of my feelings.
I didn't want to thank him too much for the work he's doing, cause he is being paid for it, and its just sort of a coincidence that I live there! But he has been really helpful about the smoke alarms.... H told me that in the last two weeks in the block of flats where he lives, his neighbors have been having their smoke alarms going off too.... one of them had the smoke alarm beeping every 10 minutes from 1 am to 4am until H banged on the door (to find a creepy /loser guy who didn't know what to do except keep pushing the reset button - so H told him to replace the battery), and then another time a different smoke alarm went off and he found 4 of the neighbors standing in the hall just looking at it - so H got his ladder and replaced that battery too in the middle of the night! To which I made a sarcastic comment about what a great place to live (with such nutters for neighbours). We laughed but afterwards I felt bad about the comment.
SO.... I sent this text
Thanks for your help with the smoke alarm. The people in your unit are lucky to have u as a neighbour!
And he replied
Anytime. It was good to see you its been a while
But I still feel crappy and used and out of control and pathetic (why would I be waiting for him to come back to me?!?!). So DB could possibly work, I just don't know if I can emotionally handle it.
this is really quick b/c I have to get ready to meet with a client, I will write more later. It sounds like you did a really good job. I am sorry you feel like crap! I think I am going through some of the same stuff. When we are in NC I think we don't have to deal with those feelings.... and then when we see our man, we want them so badly and it is so frustrating.....
((((((Essie)))))) I had something written last night before I went to sleep, and my computer died after I typed the last character! For real! It is still dead, maybe forever!
I really understand how you feel! Remember, you are the one that has the power to choose how long you wait. You will know that you did all you could. That's what matters, what you can do, not someone else. I think you should rest a bit before you decide whether you have had enough or not. I suggested a walk to clear your mind, since in my vision of Australia it is always nice out!
Hey Essie... well, at least you got to see him and he responded to your text with it was good to see you?
I'm confused though..what actually happened when he was there, and why did you leave? Did you have to go out? (but he was in your house wasnt he ??) And does he have to come back to do more work there? Do you think he noticed taht you looked nice, or was surprised at your appearance at all (if you look different to when he last saw you?)
I'm sorry you feel bad. I was actually going to say a little while bacl that you sounded worryingly "I'm doing fine" yet I wondered what you felt underneath that, becuase I guess you have been coping well with the separation but the reality is, you still love him. You were bound to have your hopes up.
I guess you could be a little brave, try and expand on the "anytime" comment and think of some excuse to see him, or suggest meeting up for a drink or something? What have you got to lose? He said on the phone the other day that he wanted to keep more in touch didnt he? Maybe it is really hard for him as all he sees is you looking good, doing ok, sounding cheery and positive, maybe he thinks you have moved on already? Men have pride and also he may be worried about upsetting you all over again. I dont know if its dbing..but how about initiating a bit of contact with him? Just a thught...
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
it's only natural to feel this way after your face to face interaction with him. You've been holding back a lot of emotions that are now resurfacing. Stay strong, don't lose your spirit.
