He came by this afternoon to do me a quick favour. When he arrived he said "I just spent an hour crying." I asked "why" and he says "the F-ing shrink". He explained that he had a session yesterday and another today and then stopped talking.
How am I supposed to answer that. I didn't say anything. Should I have said anything more? He's not really open about much lately so I don't want to press but if he didn't want me to say something he wouldn't have mentioned it would he? (analyzing)
He's so depressed. He says he can't sleep at night and then is tired during the day. He fell asleep on the sofa after he did the favour and then ran out the door because he had another class.
I haven't pressed any R talks since we had the fight last week. I know I need to wait for him to talk first but I really would like to know what he decided regarding suing me.
I said in my old thread that I felt he was testing me. I still think he's watching to see how I react to everything. I wasn't giving him much space but this past week I have backed off about 90%. There have been no questions from me and I feel good that I haven't pushed the topics with him that I'm so curious about.
Time and patience I guess.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
As for what do I do since i know i need to change? I've been doing a lot of deep soul searching and i know what I need to do it's the how that's the hard part.
here is a list of problems I have followed by what I can do to stop.
Big mouth...bite my tongue R talk...walk away and do something else mistrust...remember he's never hurt me jealously...he can have friends controlling...remember I can only control me (let it go) yelling/angry outbursts...think and breath while counting to 20 speaking before I think...rethink the situation at hand
Thats a start
Jen
Last edited by JenInVen; 03/28/0809:47 PM.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
That's a great list Jen.. keep using your elastic band (I think I read in one of your posts that you use that technique).
I also wanted to mention that I read your dream in the fun section. I really wish I could remember my dreams. I found it so interesting when the next person posted that you need to remember all of the details of the dream.. like if it was sunny or rainy and if you were holding a basket.. and if it was a full.. just goes to show how hard our brains are working while we are sleeping.
I don't know anything about dream analysis.. but if pears have to do with positive opportunities.. and you had your arms full of them.. that's GOT to be a good thing!
Jen, I relate SO much to your sitch. I don't know how spiritual you are, but a book that is REALLY helping me is Joel Osteen's "You Best Life Now". I have been listening to the book on CD and have come to some MAJOR realizations. I think it might help you too. I have journaled about it in my thread. You can check that out too if you want. I think you and I are in the same boat as far as trying to hold on too tightly.
I hope that the overflowing pears represent overflowing opportunities. I remember in the dream fighting hard so that none fell to the ground. I think the ones that fell represent missed or lost opportunities.
I agree that I am trying to hold on too tight and it's something that I saw my Mom do with my Dad and it's also something I have done in every relationship. Now how to stop it? Being aware of the issue is a start of course.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
It's great you have been doing some soul searching. You have taken the first step by acknowledging some of the things you need to change in yourself. It takes time. You will backslide but the important thing is that you get right back on track.
Remember you can do it!!!
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
H was here today for about 2 hours earlier this afternoon and fixed a bookshelf for D. He mentioned that he hasn't been sleeping well and has been under a lot of stress. I just nodded and said that I knew. I left him alone with D for about 30 minutes while I went to the store. He said he's going to pick D up and spend some time with her tomorrow.
I saw him again tonight (about 4 hours after he left this afternoon) He said he might go to the club and I could go if I wanted. Previously it was only meant for him and D but then he sort of invited me too which, to say the least surprised me. I'll go if he mentions it tomorrow morning but won't press it if he doesn't ask me again. Whatever is fine.
Things were a little smoother today and he even kissed me goodbye twice tonight. Ok on the cheek but he initiated it I try and reach out to touch his back or chest when we are next to each other.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Yay Jen. Even a cheek kiss is a positive when it is initiated by the WA. Good stuff! And he did invite you to the club. I like how you are planning on feeling it out tomorrow.. and that you'll only actually go if he mentions it again. Shows you are in control.. that you aren't jumping on his every move.. so you're not pressuring or pursuing!
Keep up the good work!
W2G
PS. I think it's also a baby step when they come to the house a couple of times in the same day.. because for people that want their space it's got to be a good thing when they haven't gotten enough so they come back for more interaction!
oops I saw him 3 times today but he only came to the house the first time. The last time he was downstairs in the bakery that a friend owns. He was with 2 friends drinking a few beer. D and I were coming home and he saw us and came across the street to ask us where we had been. I told him D had to pee so we came home and we'd come over once she went. We went over and I had a beer with them and we all chatted.
Yep you can drink in public in Venezuela :D. Side note: when I came to Caracas we went to buy some beer. H cracked one open while we were walking home. I was mortified and started looking for a cop and telling him not to open the beer in the street. He said "relax Jen you're not in Canada anymore!" You'd be surprised to know that beer is cheaper than pop in this country.
Jen
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I try and reach out to touch his back or chest when we are next to each other.
That'll be the true test. I'll keep you posted.