I agree with Fig, and I wonder how long others - Barb for instance - think a person should wait.
One big thing I have learned from posting on the bb - both giving and receiving advice - is that we can only advise based on our own experience. Since we grow to care about each other here, we do not want to see our friends get hurt, so we try to "save" them. However, we cannot assume that their situation is identical to what we've been through, or that they will go through the healing process the same way.
There are people here who have healed, yet do not want to get into another R. Does this mean that they are not really healed? If not, then why is it that someone who is healed and wants to get into a R is considered "not ready"? How many years is a person supposed to wait?
I, for one, am happy on my own, but I still want to be in a R - with the right person. I am not jumping into anything. However, there seems to be an assumption of many people on the bb that if a person even wants a R, they are not ready for one.
I wonder if at least some of this isn't based on the fact that many of us had our Ss leave for someone else, and we don't want to accept the fact that they may well be very happy in their new Rs. We want to convince ourselves that they made a bad choice, so we tell anyone who doesn't wait "long enough" that they are making a choice. I say this b/c I know that I was quite upset when people from the BB got together at first, but I see now that - in my case - this was really due to an element of jealousy and a wish to prove, somehow, that my ex was wrong in his decision and could never be happy with his new gf.
I also take issue with the notion of "when you're not looking, it will happen." Personally, I don't think it will happen unless you are looking at least in the sense that you are open to it. If you are not open to it, you will not pick up on the possibilities.
I know I may have offended some people here, but again, we can only post based on our own experience, and this is mine.
~ Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
