To tell the truth, there was a little friction about LW. His comment, and I totally understand it, was that it wasn't like he cheated on me.
So...I'm trying to put his non-cheating thing into my brain, because at the end of the day, he didn't.
An EA is cheating. Plain and simple. HE needs to get HIS BRAIN around that. You are unloading his negative energy on to you and you are playing the victim. H is NOT innocent here.
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He asked, "What am I supposed to tell her?" Again, he has a point
WTF? He has no point. Time to choose between you and her. In a M you get 110% or there is no M. Take it from this divorced guy. Is he willing to commit? Yes or no. That means NO CONTACT with OW. Period. EVEN at work and it may be time for him to change jobs. Unless you are willing to play the European wife where it is okay to have a mistress or at least close women friends.
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In short, he can decide that our marriage is more important than his jacked up friendship with a woman
Good. It is okay to get angry but have you made this issue clear to H? There is a big difference betweeen a "trigger" as MC calls it and a healthy boundary. Boundaried are not up to discussion. Period. That is why the healthy people have so few.
But your message to him muust be clear - OW is out. You owe him that b/c you may become the WAW in his eyes - he thinking everything is okay and then the bomb.
If only my xW gave me her clear boundary six months before the bomb. Instead she gave up and waited until Christmas passed. Did not even tell her best friend until she quit.
I am so proud you are not quitting. But OW is not acceptable in a healthy M.
