That "observer" role seems to be a key part in the detached caring that is so often referred to on these boards. I'm sure your W. must be still mulling over the experience she had with you recently. Sure seems like there are a lot of mixed feelings going on for her.
It was validating to read the idea of the MLC'er going through a self-oriented (okay, selfish) period during the whole transition, because I think they are not able to see that aspect at all. I really identified with the experience of having brief "glimpses" of her and then the other parts / wall comes forward again. In a weird way, it's almost like when you have an elderly parent w/Alzheimer's or Parkinson's and they have moments of moving back into being recognizable and then it fades. They physically look like the same person, and you know that person is "somewhere in there" and yet not able to show themselves or remain present. It is heart-wrenching for me, but you have managed to get to a place of loving-detachment, and I guess that makes it easier to bear.
