I'm flabbergasted!!! My gast has never been so flabbered.
Ali!!!! You are so adorable!!! I never even thought about using "gast" as a freestanding noun before!!!
But you use flabbered as a verb all the time?
You guys are so witty! You make me laugh!
T - Again I'm so excited for you!!! I agree wait until late May - June for the visit to NYC. I also think you should wait to see if he will reach out to you now. Give him a chance to pursue you. I liked your first idea of the postcard if you send that in 2-3 weeks. But hopefully he will think of an excuse to call you before then. (It always helps to have a backup plan - I still haven't had to use the health insurance excuse, which is really scrapping the bottom of my excuses barrel!)
Gosh, so much excitement on the boards the last day or two, my head is spinning! How are you feeling now T? Its so interesting that you got some negative responses from some friends who were a bit derisive about his key posting and then in actual fact, he was really pleased to hear from you! They just dont get it do they. Why is the world so pessimistic in these sitchs and prone to say "move on!!" like we are all just herding sheep... why cant they see that you can break away from the pack a little, wait in the long grass.... ?
I'm with you, this community of like minded souls has been such a god send in some of my darkest and most confusing hours !
Ali xxx _____________ Me: 37 BF: 34 T: 9 years IDLYA: 2 Nov 07 Own flat: 26 Jan 08 Depression confirmed: 4 March will he reconnect?
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I agree.. why do most people outside of the BB feel like we should just throw in the towel and never look back. A lot of them force feed their opinions and get angry when you don't do as they suggest.
I'm glad to have this board where people are like minded in the goal of trying to better our relationship with ourselves while trying to better our relationships with our significant others.
T, I think going to NYC when you were scheduled to go originally is the right plan.. that way there should be less pressure on you.. which in turn will be less pressure transmitted to your B.
I can't even imagine being you and how excited (yet likely a bit overwhelmed) you must be feeling right now.. After 5 months you spoke on the phone with your beloved.. wow.. what a week!!
Oh my goodness!!!! Well, good things happened today in my life:
-I had a great cello lesson with my teacher. She was EXTREMELY engaged and attentive and helpful. I am not sure what is -happening but that relationship is really blossoming. It has been another yearning of my heart for so long to have a better relationship with her and it is working. We were supposed to meet for an hour, we went for two hours because we had so much to talk about!
-I went to step aerobics for the first time since FEBRUARY. It felt awesome to do cardio!
-Went to yin yoga right afterwards... it is very meditative, lying on the floor, unlocking blocked energy. It brings up a lot of emotional stuff and I spent a lot of time silently crying during the class. (This happened all through October too). But I just tried to embrace the feelings, not analyze or narrate.
-Made some pizza dough!! You know!! The usual!!
Other than that... it has been crazy emotional in my mind. At some times I feel completely normal, like nothing has changed at all. Which is extremely weird. But also, I have felt some anger and frustration that I didn't even feel around bomb time. It occured to me *for the first time* today that the way B handled the situation around bomb time was REALLY crappy to me. I think I am afraid to look too much at those feelings because I might lose my resolve to continue and get lost in disgust over that time. I don't want the Distorted and False image of Crazy Bomb Time B to replace the real image of True and Loving B that I know is hidden somewhere inside, the person I know and still love. Are these feelings normal?
I am still wondering what comes next. Right now it seems good to wait at least a week. But I am completely open to other suggestions. A good friend of mine pointed out that I shouldn't let it go toooo long, because I don't want to make it seem like it was just a passing whim that I called. Somehow I want to gently demonstrate my interest in really having a friendship.
I have a good viola playing friend who needs advice about grad school, and most of B's friends are actually viola players. It would be a completely legitimate excuse for me to contact and ask him for their contact information... they are all acquaintances of mine, but I don't know exactly where they're at or if the info I have is up to date. So that would be an excuse for a phone call.
We can brainstorm and then vote in favor!
I want to thank you all so much for PUSHING me. If you hadn't told me to JUST CALL HIM, and then held my hand while I prepared for worst case scenarios, I probably would have procrastinated forever. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!!
Thank you so much for making me laugh about your gast being flabbered!!!!
Yes, it seems like it would make the most sense to see if he takes any steps towards me, and then slowly move towards reestablishing friendship and hopefully working towards a brief meeting in person around June.
I checked what you wrote and you mentioned an eclipse in Leo on August 1:
I just checked your chart and it hits your Venus almost exactly !!! This is a good omen generally for you, in love, in life, for your music....
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isnt he totally out of his Saturn Return by July, I seem to remember?
Yes!! This is what you wrote: Its kind of gone over and out of exact alignment now, but moves back towards his Saturn in March/April time (but not right back, just near) and then moves away from his Saturn entirely, for another 30 years by July this year.
Now that we've made contact, what would you suggest I do based on the information from the charts?
Thanks so much for the link to the flabbergasted explanation!!! I especially love the part at the end, "Further than this, nobody can go with any certainty." in terms of the etymology
Essie, I really like the image of "the excuse barrel"!!! Yes, give him time to possibly step towards me, and in the meantime, think about the different ways I could reach out too.
T, I think going to NYC when you were scheduled to go originally is the right plan.. that way there should be less pressure on you.. which in turn will be less pressure transmitted to your B.
You are so smart... We gotta pay attention to the vibes. And like Kalni said, I want to cultivate a good "smell", the smell of contentment, relaxation, calm!
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I agree.. why do most people outside of the BB feel like we should just throw in the towel and never look back. A lot of them force feed their opinions and get angry when you don't do as they suggest.
Dude... I am so with you on this one!! I think it's because they don't want us to hurt, and they think that throwing in the towel is the best way to stop hurting. Or they are not oriented towards reconciliation and they are looking at our sitch through those lenses. I think our culture thinks of relationships and people as very disposable. If someone's not giving you what you "need", then you can just throw them away like a Dixie Cup. (that's a bell hooks quote). That's not the way I think!
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Why is the world so pessimistic in these sitchs and prone to say "move on!!" like we are all just herding sheep... why cant they see that you can break away from the pack a little, wait in the long grass.... ?
Ali!!!! I love this image... break away from the pack... wait in the grass... might need to make this into a little sign to post somewhere where I can see, maybe also with the "flabbergasted" joke!!
I didn't post it, but I would not have been surprised if he didn't call, and I didn't want to throw negative thoughts your way!
You are so thoughtful. That is very kind of you! I wouldn't have been surprised if he didn't call back either... I think I even posted something like, "how long do I wait for him to call me before I try something different?"
I am totally with you about the "slowwww" thing. I think my energy and excitement is really coming out on the BB but I have been moving so slowly for so long, that is still my orientation.
Slow is the only way. I think that meeting him on your scheduled trip makes a huge mount of sense. I think that is when you will find out how you really feel, and how he feels. I think it is fair to assume that neither of you is exactly the person the other remembers. It will be exciting to find out who each of you are when the time comes!
Yes. Slow is the only way. Meet him on my scheduled trip. I actually am just thinking of the potential meeting as a brief opportunity to show my changes and take another baby step towards friendship. We will probably both be nervous as hell, and I don't plan on it being that long, so I am going to look at it as a little slice, a little glimmer, just a baby step. Not a make or break.
