The Longest Journey

[SDFoundGirl]

Jen, Julie, & Rob~

Thanks for checking in on me. Having you give the thumbs up on the boundaries was a lovely confirmation that this is what I needed to do.

I shared them with H at MC last night. To tell the truth, there was a little friction about LW. His comment, and I totally understand it, was that it wasn't like he cheated on me. I know that...but then again, he doesn't know how MUCH I know b/c of the letters and such and so he doesn't know also that he's lied in MC about the depth of his professed feelings or that he'd talked to her IN DEPTH about all of my faults and shortcomings.

So...I'm trying to put his non-cheating thing into my brain, because at the end of the day, he didn't. But he says he never thought about it, and I know b/c of a letter I read that isn't true AT ALL. Makes me kind of angry...but then, it's my fault for snooping, right?

Anyway, the MC told him that regardless, it was a trigger for me, something that was keeping us from moving on, so he should consider it. He asked, "What am I supposed to tell her?" Again, he has a point, but hell...he can tell her not to call on the weekends (it's a work-free couple zone), he can NOT send her frigging e-cards, he can NOT tell her about the vacations we're going on and get her recommendations on where to go if she's been there (as he did for restaurants in the town we went skiing in last week...we did NOT go to any of them b/c I steered us elsewhere), he can thank her for any gifts she gives him (because, folks she just so DAMNED NICE and SWEET that she gives crap to people) and then tell her it's not really necessary or appropriate.

In short, he can decide that our marriage is more important than his jacked up friendship with a woman who, once we'd reconciled, gave us a Christmas gift with the card, "Hope this will help you two build a better marriage," as if she were OUR friends instead of the whore in waiting. BTW, I got rid of that gift last week when it occurred to me that every time I saw it I got pissed off.

Angry...yes...but I *am* working on focusing on his positives. I think it's my responsibility. But I'll be dipped in hot oil before I accept this friendship...ever.

We'll see what happens. Honestly? What I think is he will just try to hide it better. That's what he's done so far. The thing is, he sucks at subterfuge, and I will nail his little cookies to the wall if he does that.

Feels better just to vent. I promise, I am not being b!tchy or mean. But I am watching....

SD