I started graduate school back in August so I'm involved in that. It has gone well and I'm almost finished!
Tried to go out with my friends more. Tried to "work on myself". Very hard to do because prior to GF I had read tons of "self-help" relationship books and thought I was so ready. So I've continued to read and make attempts at becoming less controlling, listen more - talk less, etc. It's hard to implement these new changes without GF to try them out on. I sort of have a totally different relationship with my close, longtime friends where I can totally be myself. GF was such a "different" person, I had to be careful what I said and what I did to keep from offending her. Things I've never had to worry about with anyone else. But they are legitimate changes that needed to have been made. It's not like I'm changing "for her." I'm changing for me and my future, whatever that may bring. I've tried to lose weight and haven't been successful so far.
Unfortunately, I have no intuitive voice. I certainly wish I had one. I pray constantly for guidance but seem to get no answers. The only "intuition" I've had is the weekend I drove over because I felt certain she had put up a "for sale" sign in the yard and sure enough, she had.
Also, I really feel in my heart that she will return to me. It may be 6 more months, it may be 6 more years, but we weren't "finished." Does that make sense? Despite the arguing, differences, not getting along, we had a very passionate, loving connection.
I am very restless and was before I met her. I really want to move away somewhere else, bigger city, where I can meet people. But I'm afraid of being lonely and alone in a new place. I've never done anything like that before (except college many years ago). I'm not happy with my job so I'm trying to figure out WHERE to go and WHAT to do. I really am very blessed and probably should be content, but I'm not.
