Baby steps in the right direction (thread 3)

[klm]

Checked the myspace again just for the heck of it. OW changed the pic...wonder if H called her. He said last night he was going to.

[MichelleLT]

Hmmmm. Can't condone the snooping, but I am glad he convinced her to change it. Somehow I doubt she did it of her own volition after JUST putting it up the day prior.

[klm]

I know I shouldn't snoop, but I just had to see if it was still on there.

Sooo...today H called. He said "Are you home? I need to come by there. I need to give you something." It sounded awful. Really the only thing I could think of was divorce papers...but seemed to quick for that. I just knew it had to be something bad.

So anyway when I got home I called him, and he came over. ...He brought me a sandwich from this place I had been wanting to go. I am still wondering why he sounded so bad on the phone. I think he wanted me to think it was something bad.

So when he was leaving he actually turned back and said "I'm really sorry for the other night. I'm sorry she put that picture up there and I'm sorry for the things I said." Then he started crying. I mean he was really sobbing.

He told me that he called OW and told her to take the picture off. I asked if she said why she put it on there. He said she is just very juvenile and she told him she still had feelings for him...and he said he figured she knew I would see it (bingo Michelle!...drama) I guess the bad part is that I fed right into it.

I really just wonder what shethinks she could accomplish at this point. I mean even if H and I get a D...he is not moving back there. I just don't get it. I mean I can say with almost 100% certainty that those two will never see each other again.

He also said that he is just realizing that he continues to hurt the person that cares the most about him. He said he doesn't know why he does that other than he thinks he doesn't have to put much effort into our R because he knows I will always be there. He admitted that he can't seem to be satisfied. He told me he feels like such a burden and that if he wasn't in my life that my life would be so much better.

I don't know how to feel right now. He is so unstable right now and I don't know how he is going to work through it. I just hugged him while he cried today. It really made me feel sorry for him...but there is nothing I can do for him at this point. He has to do it himself.

[MichelleLT]

As your frustration has shown...you have gotten to points where you have voiced the D word. You will not always be there if he pushes you far enough. Perhaps he needs to realize that.

But yes, he has to do it himself.

(((((((((klm)))))))))

[klm]

He does need to realize that....I am just not sure he will until I am really at my breaking point.

Hopefully me not contacting him will help to realize that.

[MichelleLT]

I think the trick is to show him that while not quite at the breaking point so he still has a chance to save his M.

I'm not exactly in top form at the moment though, so more thought tomorrow.

[klm]

Well, no word from H since he brought the sandwich over...and cried to me. I go back and forth from feeling sorry for him to being furious at him.

I did tell him I would help him with his rent one last time. From now on he will be getting a paycheck every two weeks and will be able to do it himself. I imagine I will see him today or tomorrow to take care of that.

I will not help him with any other bills (cable, internet, credit cards, etc.)...a week or so ago I would have. It is his problem now. If he wants to be alone he can pay his bills alone. If I have to make one more car payment, then it goes up for sale. It is due towards the end of the month.

One more thing about OW's myspace and then I will drop it. Her "orientation" now says straight. Before it didn't say anything. ..So much for her being a lesbian. I just feel like such a fool that I believed him. I believed him when he told me she was a lesbian and I believed him when he said nothing was physical. Then she went and broadcasted it to family and friends. I am not sure who all saw that picture but I know somebody had to. I am sure his sister did. I wonder what OW thought when he called and told her to take it off.

I am feeling down now. I just feel like I am at the point where I need something to happen. I need us to work on things or I need a D. I don't want a D. It is the last thing I want, but I can't stay in limbo forever. I just feel so drained.

[MichelleLT]

Well, regardless of what OW says or does now - whether the truth or intending to cause drama, H is not living with her or near her and won't be for the foreseeable future. So she's just SOL. It doesn't matter really.

I am glad he will be taking financial responsibility. I think it is important both to get the stress off you, but also because if there is a chance to make the M work he needs to grow up and feel independent and confident.

Have a good week.

[klm]

Lol...I guess she is just SOL!

I have really been fighting the urge to call her the past few days though. Don't worry, I won't!! I know nothing good would come of it and it would probably actually make her day to know that she got to me. ....Doesn't mean the urge isn't there though.

I just feel like I keep saying 2 more weeks and H will be ok financially. Hopefully this time it is true. He does need to grow up and feel independent. My patience is wearing thin though.

Oh yeah, something good about the house. My realtor said there have been a lot of showings on it this week so hopefully things are picking up there. Also he said there is one couple that has looked at it 3 times. He said their realtor keeps calling and asking questions about it and asking if we would be willing to do certain things. He told them to submit an offer and we would look at it. He thinks they are going to...I hope so!!

[Starshyne]

That does sound good with your house!

I have contacted the OW on 2 occassions. It helped me clear some questions I had, but I felt really bad about doing it. Well at least the first time I did. The 2nd time she contacted me to tell me that my H better stop bothering her or she was going to get a restraining order. But it is tempting to call her, I know.


I hope she didn't move that photo of her and your H from default to just in her photo album in myspace. If it is in her photo album then all of her friends can see it. But at least the whole world can't see it.

Maybe she is bi and doesn't want to say that on myspace. I wouldn't discount everything your H said about her just because of her myspace profile.

Sara