Please help...need MLC advice

[tpaschal]

Some journaling, with a few questions to follow....

H is supposed to have the kids Thursday afternoons, as it is his afternoon off.

Since he moved out in Feb 07, he's not seen them every Thursday, but since this school year started he's been pretty consistent about it. I pick up D14 from school at 2:20, then H picks up S9 and D5 from their school at 3:00. He brings them home, then he usually just hangs out at the house with them. Sometimes they played video games, sometimes he'll take them and the dogs for a walk, occasionally they've gone to the neighborhood park, and sometimes he just kind of wanders around the house---gets books out of the study, does something small in the house like change light bulbs, etc.

He asked for the house to be put on the market in our Temporary Orders Hearing, and I had no choice but to agree because I won't be able to afford it on my own once a D is final, anyway. It makes me really sad, though, because this was H's dream house. He fell in love with it the minute he saw it. We weren't even in the market to buy a new house (were thinking about upsizing a year or two down the road) when an employee saw this house listed online and showed it to him. I wasn't sure I was ready to move, but I liked the house and the lot and thought it had a lot of possibilities (even though it's huge and beautiful, it needs a lot of repairs and updating). But mainly I wanted it because he wanted it.

Maybe the mid-life crisis had already started, and this house was his version of a sports car. I think it's also likely that he has always suffered from "I'll be happy when...." syndrome. Maybe he thought when he had accomplished his goals---career, family, big house, nice car---that it would make him happy. Problem was, he was looking for external factors to make him happy. Other problem was, I didn't realize he was so unhappy. Also, I don't think he WAS that unhappy until MLC hit full force (and OW helped convince him he was unhappy.)

H cancelled lawn service in Nov., and it's looking really bad. It's a huge lawn with a lot of landscaping and I can't do it on my own.

For the past couple of days I've been working in the flower beds, pulling weeds, trimming branches, and the gardening tools were still out when he got here.

He went in to the garage and got out the mower. I followed and said, "Oh, great! I wanted to ask you today if you could show me how to get it started. Is there a trick to it? Your dad and I have both tried and can't get it started."

It wouldn't start at first, so he puttered around with it and I went back to my tree trimming. He got it started, then proceeded to mow the front and back yards, blew the leaves out of the driveway, and put out weed killer. It's the most he's done around here in months.

Not sure why he did it, though. Maybe to get it ready to put on market? He did ask me a few days ago if I had called the realtor. I said yes. He didn't ask anything else, not even when she was coming. And he didn't mention anything about it yesterday, either.

He was very, very quiet. Didn't seem to be an angry quiet, but maybe thoughtful, or maybe just depressed? Too many thoughts spinning around inside his head? Or maybe just tired? I can't tell anymore. I just acted "as if." As if we were a normal happily married couple working in the yard together with the kids helping/playing alongside. I made a few attempts at normal conversation, but when he was obviously not in the mood to talk, I just left him alone.

Right about 5pm I could tell he was getting ready to leave. (Remember, he just agreed two weeks ago to start taking the kids on Thursdays from school dismissal until 7pm.) I asked him if he was planning to take S9 to soccer practice that evening. He said no. I didn't push it.

He was going out the door, and I followed him out. I know I shouldn't follow him around, but I can't pin him down. He's a moving target. If I want to talk to him at all, I HAVE to follow him around.

I told him I had talked to S9's teacher, who was concerned about some behavior problems, and asked if he was still seeing his psychologist. I reminded H that we had agreed (at the Temporary Orders meeting) to do some counseling together, and that I had made an appt. for next Thursday. He just said, "Okay," and then left.

Wish I could get inside his head.