Thanks to you WAW's....

[sandi2]

Hi Jay, I think I referred to you having girls, but I see they are boys. Well, if you are going to have to raise them, maybe that is best that they are. I wish I could be encouraging to you Jay. You are so hurt and angry right now and you have every right to be. We all respond to these crisis in our lives differently. But, I do want to reply to one statement you made.

But sometimes I think you folks expect people to lay down and just let the other spouse go "play" and do their thing and just sit and wait them out.

I can see how that would seem to a LBS....especially a man that is usually a "fixer" and wants it fixed "right now"! The real strength comes in sticking it our Jay. Sure it hurts to leave a M, but to turn your back on her now and leave the M (I know she was the one that walked away...but it is still your choice to leave the M.) is easier than to stay and really work at healing and peicing it back together.

I don't know, but sometimes I think that it would have been easier for me to start an entire new life with another person than to try to heal what I had here. But then I look back over the many years we've been together and our family and I can't do it. I can't walk away from what I know is right in my heart....even if it is tough. It is far from laying down and doing nothing Jay. It is work.....hard work. But, you have to have the right frame of mind to do it. And.....somewhere in your wedding vows you feel that you didn't sign up for this part of what happens in M sometimes. I am not critisizing you......just rephasing what you said and how a lot of people feel about it. That is why it has to be a personal choice. If you know that you are not going to hang in here for the long haul, then that has to be your decision. If the shoe was on the other foot, would she stick it out for you? Just curious.

I know I hurt my H and family. I disappointed them terribly...even though I did not walk away. I was so totally reversed from who I really was and always had been. Nobody ever trusted another person as much as my H and I trusted each other. Then I destroyed that. That is my punishment that I will have to live with. Even though he is showing me that he trusts me again, I still feel that he wonders from time to time if I will backslide again and in a moment of weakness, have another EA. I don't know why I'm telling you all this, just rambling.....sorry. It takes a lot of healing and a lot of work. Nobody gets by with the wrong that has been done.....everyone hurts b/c of it. And, Jay, nobody gets to lay down while the other continues to do what ever they want.....not if the M is going to survive.

Best wishes to you and your family. I pray for you all b/c I know the pain is so horrible. Please let us know what you decide to do.

Sandi