Affair is over and WW is responding

[Hope4us]

Sara, WW is going to transfer her portion of the "bills" to our joint acct and keep the rest in her "acct". So she's going to be paying her share of the house payment, car payment, elect, gas, cable, etc.

She asked me a couple weeks ago what her portion of the bills were so I told her a number that took the total of those bills and divided them based on what % each of us bring home. That was the amount she now says she will contribute towards the bills and everything else is hers. My feeling is that she should also contribute the same % for groceries, DS19's college, her haircuts, her Victoria's Secret (affair) CC payment, her share of the other kids expenses if her intent is for the next couple years, until DS15 graduates from HS, to live as roommates so she can have a nice nest egg built up for when she leaves.

If not, I feel like she's getting all the benefit of being married to me without being married to me or without even trying to see if our marriage can be repaired. It would be like if my brother came to live with me and expected me to pay for all those things. And honestly it would make me an even bigger doormat if I continued to pay for those things just so she can continue to disrespect the marriage and then split when she's ready. If that is her intent, so be it, but I need to begin to take care of myself for when that time comes. If she leaves in a couple years I'll be paying her alimony for probably 8 years (regardless of fault) so I need to protect ME.

If she has no intention of trying to make the marriage work, why should I give the fox the keys to the hen house?

But if she says her intent is to stay for the next two years to see if her feelings change and to see if our marriage is worth saving, and she's willing to live as a married couple (no affairs) and joint decisions on the things in our lives, then I'm more than happy to provide her the benefits of what two together equal instead of two separate.