Back on the Roller Coaster - OW still around

[fooled again]

Mike,

I'm glad to hear that you'll be ref-ing again soon - I know that being involved in my D's activities and getting to know the other parents has helped w/ my own GALing. D's dancing is really the first "organized" activity she's done, and there's a big learning curve for me (it's also pretty expensive, but now that H is back at work, he will help with that).

I too flip back and forth on the dating thing. I'm not anywhere near ready for that, just thinking about it in the abstract - I tend to do that to prepare myself for things that may happen, even if I don't really expect them to. I had to tell one guy (quite a bit younger than me - what's that about?) that no, I was not going to give him my number, but I was very nice about it (flattered, really). It's nice to know I'm still a marketable commodity (LOL).

It sounds like your W is spending an awful lot of time thinking about you, what you are doing or not doing, and whether or not you are thinking of/spying on her. She appears very concerned about what others are thinking of her - this is a good sign that she is slowly waking up. You being mysterious is working - she's definitely wondering what you're up to. When I do that, it seems to make my H more depressed, so I tend to tell him what I'm doing. He already told me he's afraid someone will come along and take me away from him. But my sitch is different from yours in that my H is not pushing for a D. Plus my understanding is that men & women experience MLC and depression differently. I know for me, prior to discovering the A, I had been thinking of WA, I didn't feel loved anymore. As soon as I discovered the A, I realized how much I still loved my H. If she thinks you are dating and she is losing you, she may wake up real fast.

I went out for dinner w/ H, D, BIL, SIL & N. It was a fun night, but driving back to the house, H was very quiet & sombre looking. I was trying to figure out why: it could have been b/c I paid for dinner (H hasn't gotten his first pay yet); it could have been b/c I wasn't making any pretenses that we were living together (I know that BIL has been informed of our sitch by MIL); it could have been that H was concerned about BIL's opinion of him. Or it could have been a combination of all of those things rolled together. I didn't ask, I didn't acknowledge his mood, I just joked around w/ D and laughed and "acted as if" I didn't notice.

H and I have a date on Sat, then he is away on business all next week. I'm not sure what we will do on Sat, but I'm thinking of trying to talk a bit to him about his feelings and about R. I'm not quite sure what to say, how to start, but I'd like to leave him w/ something to think about while he is away. I want to somehow tell him that I think things have been going really well, and I feel that I'm ready to start talking about our future in a more concrete way. The coach I'd been talking to suggested presenting it as a loose ultimatum, something like by the end of this year, if he can't commit to our M, I need to start moving on w/ my life (if that's what I want to say). She was in a very similar sitch, and she said that at first her H was pissed off by the ultimatum, but after thinking about it, he decided that he didn't want to lose her, and later told her that it was the best thing she could have done.

Now that I see H moving closer, it may be time to start discussing our future, despite the fact that I denied having a deadline. I don't want to push him away, but I honestly have no intention of living this way for another year. By then it will have been 4 years of his MLC and if he hasn't figured it out by then, he may never figure it out.

FA