Letter from WAW after she flew to my city for talk

[GH31]

My God, sometimes this road is a hard, hard, hard one.

I have nothing to report really. My wife called me about ten days ago to say that she wanted to come back and "give our marriage a chance" and that "she doesn't believe in divorce", "doesn't like giving up on things", "doesn't want to abandon our plans" etc. In fact, throughout the entire separation she has said things like "it wouldn't feel right to let go of you" and "I don't think I want to be without you permanently" but it's her actions that have troubled me.

She then sent me a bunch of our wedding pictures via email saying that we're the best team in the world - the second time she has done this.

She gave the date that she would come back as 2nd April 2008 which is just under a week away. In previous conversations and a visit she has said that "it's inevitable that we'll get back together", that "it's destiny", "you're one of us" (meaning her family) which is all great but at the moment she is on holiday in France with OM and one of his colleagues. She justified her going on the holiday because I did something very selfish 5 years ago which I had already been told was forgiven, and now it's her turn. I absolutely admit that what I did was selfish and entirely indefensible but am wondering if her justification is simply a convenient excuse.

I have only had one email from her since when she called to wish me a Happy Easter and "speak to you soon", and I have sent her just one.

I guess my problem is that I am really struggling to believe her due to recent lies denying OM and her very confusing behaviour about a month ago. I am not unconditionally believing her but the mere fact that she came to visit me and then spoke to me twice (for an hour each time) and said the same message have given me hopes which I REALLY don't want to be dashed. I know I should try and divert my thoughts from the fear of being disappointed but I find myself unable to today. Patience is such a hard thing to deal with for me - it really is but I know that I must maintain this 180 always.

Sara, you are right about the mind playing all kinds of tricks etc. on you. I have scarcely been able to concentrate for days.

My heart goes out to all of you guys on here. I know my situation isn't as bad as some but I just feel such an urgent need to vent today - and this is my only outlet. It's wonderful that we can find comfort in each other but it's also very very sad to know that there is so much heartbreak out there.