I am glad it was easy. I am happy for you. You need to start thinking about timing, next move. Connect... Is there any way you can arrange a trip to Ny and arrange to meet him. Of course you don't tell him you arraged a meeting to see him, that you have some kind of work, something and it SINCE you'll be there you guys can catch up...
Love K
I liked the "between you 2" dialogue... How does it feel to "come out of the dark"?
Absolutely fabulous news and conversation! I agree with Essie.. coming off the high of the conversation will usually bring you really down.. and make you analyze every single thing you've said and he's said... and the being friends thing is really hard. It feels warm and yet uncomfortable... you get all the verbal clues without the emotional or physical aspects... You are well on your way T!!!!!
Ali was right.. there is some really good stuff going on cosmically this week!!
He called me !! He called me back I think as soon as he got my voicemail. And we talked!! For almost six minutes!!
HOOOOOOORRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY! T, I am SO HAPPY for you! I've been really looking forard to this day since we met, and I cannot teell you how over the moon I am that this happened!
Originally Posted By: transformer
I was very happy, positive, friendly, upbeat. He laughed a lot during the conversation. He told me he was so surprised to hear from me.
Perfect DBing- that is awesome! It's so great that he was laughing! I wouldn't be too worried about him being surprised to hear from you- he wasn't expecting it and he was pleased- a nice surprise!
Originally Posted By: transformer
(This made me a little nervous, because he didn't say her name, so I thought it might be a OW or something, but I kept my cool.)
Perfect DBing. No assumptions, remember! She could be anyone. And whoever she isn, she's not as super-amazing as you are!
Originally Posted By: transformer
B: yes! Let's talk again soon. I mean, you can call me, or I can call you...dkljsdkfjs
He also said that it was good to hear my voice, and at some other point in the conversation said he was glad to hear from me and glad to know that I was alive. I responded with similar sentiments.
Hurray- this is fantastic- so positive!! He was genuinely happy to hear from you and speak to you, and tell you some of what he's been doing. I think it's wonderful!
Originally Posted By: transformer
(I had no idea what to expect, but I think it went really well!
I agree! And I'm so glad you made that list of positives. I think it's amazing that B called you back so quickly after getting the VM. He obviously wasn't nervous about speaking to you and wanted to catch up. I think you were a DB queen in how you handled it, T!
Originally Posted By: transformer
It was really weird to connect to him on the "casual friends" level...... It was kind of disorienting, and almost made sad, like, who is this guy? Does this make any sense? Have any of you guys had this experience?
Every time I speak to my H, T.... I think it's the whole thing about 'the alien'. They are so like the people we know, but also slightly different. I also think the difference might be because you guys are now building a whole new T and B relationship, and some things are going to be different. But better different, if that makes sense (by which I don't mean that things were not good before. Just that you will both have grown, so you will have t learn to connect again...)
Originally Posted By: transformer
I feel kind of nervous... should I have tried to do this earlier?? Also, should I have asked more questions about what he was doing? I wanted to be friendly and interested but because it was the first conversation I *really* didn't want it to seem like I was prying. Do you think I was too distant?
Ummmm, no to all of those. I think you did brilliantly well.
Originally Posted By: transformer
What is my next move, and when?
When B said that he could call you, did you say anything to the effect of yes, I'd like that. Or that that would be great? He sounded genuinely pleased to hear from you, so hopefully he will call you.... How about giving it a week?
I would probably lean towards having another phone conversation where you discuss an event or something that's happening. Or suggest meeting to catch up sometime soon. The phone is great because you get immediate feedback and you get to demonstrate your changes and GAL stuff....and I wouldn't leave it too long to call- again it depends on what you think would be a good interval (I am no help. Sorry!)
(((((T)))))) I honestly cannot tell you how pleased I am that it went so well!
L.xx (And sorry for the super-long post!)
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
Essie, W2G, Kalni, others who are reading, thank you so much for your support and putting this all in perspective. If I didn't have you guys here to tell me that what I'm feeling is normal I think I would be wasting a lot of energy wondering if something was "wrong" with me instead of just letting myself experience the emotions.
It was SO hard to sleep last night, I don't think I fell asleep until 4 in the morning or something. I wasn't even thinking that much, it was more just this insane energy coursing through my body, and really strong emotions.
K, you are right! What is my next move? How about the timing? The GOOD thing is that I will be in the NYC area the first two weeks of June for the festival. It would be extremely easy for me to use that pretext to set up a meeting in person, if he is in town. That is only like 8 weeks away. If I wanted, I could be there the third week of May also. If I REALLY wanted I could get there the first or second week of May (just about a month away).
Here's the tricky part. Things are really busy now with school. But once I am done with this semester (very beginning of May) it's no problem for me to spend a couple chunks of time in NYC. One of my best friends lives there, I can stay with her, no problem. But if I try to get there before then, during school, I can basically only go on the weekend, and his schedule is SO complicated. He is traveling all the time for performances, I have no idea where he will be at any given moment now that he's not giving me his schedule all the time.
How could I pull it off? If I call him BEFORE I buy my ticket and tell him, "I will definitely be coming to NYC these dates, I was wondering if we could meet for a coffee, will you be in town?" that will be like 2 weeks before I buy my ticket so maybe "too much lead time"? If I wait until after I buy my ticket he might not be in town for the dates it's for? Is there another solution to this that I don't see right now?
Oh.... hm.... my really good friend in NYC has a pretty big performance coming up April 30th and May 1... that would be a good excuse, but I am not sure if I will be done with exams by then or not, and that is still a month away. ???
I have to say that my instinct, considering that you and B have just had the initial conversation, would be to take things slowly and plan for a meeting in June when you are in NYC in any case. You could drop that you will be in NYC into a conversation and make it a casual meeting....no pressure, and by that time you guys will be in full friendship mode....
If you were to arrange a visit earlier than that would you call B and drop it casually into the conversation, or would you call to let him know you were visiting NYC and could maybe meet up? Sorry for the questions! I am trying to get a feel for how quickly you're expecting things to move! I gt thee impression that it's quickly, but I have to say that I would probably hold off (but I am a slow-burning type I guess!)
L.xx
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
Oh my gosh. My heart brims with joy!!! Thank you so much for everything you wrote!!! I'm pretty sure when he said "let's talk again soon" I *probably* validated or mirrored that, but I honestly don't remember!!!
I feel like I would need to create some "pretext" to call, or maybe send him something so he would have a reason to call me to thank me for it?
I had a couple ideas:
-Send him a postcard that says, "congratulations on playing with XYZ [name of prestigious ensemble]! That's great news! And I'm so impressed that you were cracking jokes with [extremely famous coposer] John Zorn... You are living large, living the dream! Way to go, B! -T" so that would be encouraging and supportive, but not necessarily encourage a response.
-We both read this magazine called "the week" and a week or two ago it had a little story about the tornado in my neighborhood ATL right next to a story about a construction crane collapsing in his neighborhood in NYC. I could clip it and put in a note like, "WTF?? Why are we living in such dangerous neighborhoods?? Do we need to start wearing helmets all day long? When I read this I feared for your noggin!" Or something like that. ???
-Since the phone worked so well, I should probably "do more of what works"?
-I could ask him for advice about something...?? I have to make a decision in the next two weeks about which festivals I am going to, I could pretend to believe that he would have inside information on that....??? In the past I definitely would have saught his input in my decision making, so it wouldn't be much of a 180.
-try to meet him in person (see above post)
I feel like we just fast forwarded through the 2-4 months I was expecting to have to spend just doing stuff via the mail. I am SO glad that you guys encouraged me to call him on the phone! The phone IS great!!
OK stumach is grumbling, gotta get to school. More later!! I feel my imagination is somewhat limited right now. I am totally open to your ideas!!
yeah, his schedule is TOTALLY complicated. In sept it was something like: meet me in atlanta, fly to maine to perform, fly from maine to ohio to perform, fly back to maine for another concert series, then directly from maine back to atlanta to see me. ...?? Then october was like, fly from atlanta to maine to perform, then fly to kentucky to perform, then from kentucky back to NYC? So there are months where he is only in NYC for a couple days. Other months where he is in NYC for weeks at a time. Can we say, stressful??? I think it definitely was a factor in the crisis!!!
I would be totally happy to wait until late may/early June to see him in person, when I will be in NYC anyway. I *am* really busy with school. It feels better in my gut to try to see him when I will be in NYC for my own legitimate reasons. Also, part of my DB philosophy is to try to let the Flow work for me instead of trying to manipulate things. Maybe the universe is protecting us from being able to see each other right now. I am COMPLETELY prepared to take things extremely slowly. A week ago I was wondering if I should go for 8 months of NC!!! So, I totally hear you!!!
I'm flabbergasted!!! My gast has never been so flabbered.
Ali!!!! You are so adorable!!! I never even thought about using "gast" as a freestanding noun before!!!
Thank you so much for your support...!!!!!
It is kind of crazy, b/c back when the second bomb happened, I had a strong intuition that something would happen in March... and it did! And then about a month ago, I heard "the Voice" and it told me, "Prepare!" And now look what happened!
I have to tell you, it really helped me to hear from you that thurs and friday were good days to call. If you hadn't told me that I probably would have procrastinated. Thank you so much, Ali!! Your insider information is invaluable!!
I'm flabbergasted!!! My gast has never been so flabbered.
Ali!!!! You are so adorable!!! I never even thought about using "gast" as a freestanding noun before!!!
But you use flabbered as a verb all the time?
Transformer! I am happy for you. I didn't post it, but I would not have been surprised if he didn't call, and I didn't want to throw negative thoughts your way!
So, now I think you go really slow. I think a week, at least before you call. Because you still can't pursue, you just want to slowly become a normal part of his life. As far as seeing him, I don't think you schedule a special trip yet. I think the timing of the one that is already planned is good. You might make a a little longer than you planned, so you can be flexible. A couple weeks before you go, mention it to him, and say you'd like to see him. Really casually. Then let him decide if, when, and where.
Hey T! God, I have got over my intitial shock now..I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! Its a major major god sign that he returned you VM like STRAIGHT AWAY !!!! Keen or what?
I think you should get through your college work and exams and get to NYC in a normal time frame and not put yourself under pressure. Havent you got the excuse of his birthday in May anyway to send him some of your great present ideas and get that friendship warmed up before you go see him?? I think June is good.
Also...isnt he totally out of his Saturn Return by July, I seem to remember? And wasnt there something happening with you and your Venus, or ...I cant remember, what did I send you !!??
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
