He said to me awhile back... "I guess you need to draw me back to you"
"I just want to get along"
"we can just go on doing what we are doing. You living in the house, I help pay the bills, and I'll keep farming"
but yet... He continues to see OW knowing how that is causing most of our problems... he doesn't call... he never asks how we are... he acts like he hates me... how do I draw him back if he never looks at me... he tells me nothing... he doesn't talk to me... how can we get along if he doesn't try... he doesn't stop to see us...
why am I still doing this?...my daughter told me yesterday that I am just breathing...and you know, she is almost right...I am getting up every morning and my first thoughts are of him...I go to work, I think of him...I get home do what I have to do for me and the girls and the house...and then I think of him...the last few weeks I just keep thinking...why am I still doing this...is there any point anymore...what I am going to do with the rest of my life...
i know that moving away from here would give me a chance to start over...maybe a chance at happiness again...or...i'll end up like my mother, alone...
i trully believe that given the chance my H and I together could make a new and better life. that if we both worked at it, we could be happy again and that we would make it...
but i also know that i cant' force him to try...i can't convince him to love me again...that i can't change how he feels...
i am stuck in a sh*t hole and have no idea how to get out or where to go from here.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
what do you want from us.....you think your stitch is worse...how about mrs h, kissak, treeses,kikifree, poor lisa lost who got beat by her h, db5, and the list goes on.....mrs h has been at this 2 + yrs...look how nasty her h is
of course your h wants to leave it the way it is.....he can cake eat, and not have to make a decsion
we have told you it early in the game,....that this took strenght and PATIENCE. we told what behaviors drew him in and pushed him away. a week of NC from your h...thats nothing...in the blip on the mlc radar. a week after what you did..uhmmm...yeah....and you left him an ultimatum to boot, what did you expect???? Him to come running home to your arms? dont we all wish it happened that way.
we all hurt from ow. dont think for one minute we dont bleed from our very core. i was just like you sooo consumed and angry...ask anyone. i swear toh...when i let that anger go my h started his turn around....
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
"when i let that anger go my h started his turn around...."
just how do you do this??? i don't think I haven't anyworse and I am so thankful that i am not in some of the others shoes. i just am searching and asking myself i guess whether i have it in me to do this...
i could handle things sooo much better if it weren't for her...maybe even better if it wasn't HER...maybe not...i just don't know if i can deal with this with her in the picture. it's as you said, making me bleed from my very core.
i didn't expect him to come running home, nor do i want him to. i just wish with all my heart he would just stop and look back at me and maybe give me the slightest chance.
he told me today,...never...
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
stop asking.....after i pulled a stunt like that my h looked right at me and said "ive made my choice" and walked back into ow's apt.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
but you didn't answer my most important question...
"i swear toh...when i let that anger go my h started his turn around"
how did you do this...i want to...for myself, for my D and N, and for H...
i just don't know how
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
just got word that H put his truck in a BIG ditch this morning at 2 am.
He drank from 8-11 am yesterday then from 1:30pm-2:30 this morning. Headed to OW's this morning after drinking all that time. She lives in a town 15 miles from where he lives. He is home and SIL checked on him. Says he might have broken ribs but is okay.
My first instinct is to go to him. To be there for him. To make sure that he is okay. SIL said NO don't do anything. He is a big boy and he's chosen to live like this and he needs to suffer his own concenquences. I know that she is right, but it is killing me.
This MLC and OW is going to land this man in jail or worse...dead. And there is nothing I can do to stop it.
And OW doesn't care. She doesn't know him like I do. She has nothing to lose. She has led this once good, respectful, proud man into being a pathetic waste of a life and sees or cares not one iota.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
That's right----you can't stop it. You can not change him. All you can do is work on YOU and be there for your children. You have to learn to believe that you will be ok without him (I'm still working on this too, but I know it's true). You have to stop being in fear about doing the wrong thing, or that your marriage will end and break up your family (still working on this too).
Jack Three Beans posted "You cannot be afraid of losing them. If you live in fear, you have no control of yourself, fear is the leash you put on yourself and give over to someone else." Do not let your H hold the leash.
I like most people here would give anything to have H love me again. BUT, I can't make that happen. I can only apply the DB techniques, work on me and maybe (if he knows what's good for him) he will find his way back to me---and not lose the best thing that's ever happened to him.
Feeling strong today, don't know why----but when it happens, I go with it.
Hang in there (((TOH))))!
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
She has led this once good, respectful, proud man into being a pathetic waste of a life and sees or cares not one iota.
uhmmmm......she did not do this to him. he has done this to himself. if not her someone else would have sufficed. yes they are low life and pond scum, but she is a symptom not the cause
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
An objective view from afar--you are married to an alcoholic who has an ow, barely acknowledges your existence, takes advantage of you, is self destructive, and has said the marriage is over. And you have no legal protection.
Girl, you are only 41 years old. A whole life to live and you have children. I know it's hard. Get your financial information together and see a lawyer. I know you were talking about it but don't think you did it. This is your wake up call. You need protection and information and a plan for what might happen next no matter how bad it might seem. Face it. THAT is how you stop living with fear. Once the fear subsides life will be better. Releasing the ANGER is a sidebar compared to that. He is not going to rescue you. I truly hope this helps. Wonder
