Jeanette, I've been thinking overnight about this new turn of events in your sitch. I firmly believe my H will eventually do something like this. It's exactly what he did when he got engaged. We (as in me and the kids) found out after 3 months on OUR WEDDING ANNIV. I was away for the weekend. He went to a lot of trouble to have the kids round to his flat supposedly for a BBQ. He knew damn well that D17 would spot the humunagous diamond on OWs hand in a flash. The poor thing played right into his hands. Disappointing thing is MIL was there to 'help him along'. She says she wasn't in on it but I don't believe for one minute that her son would not tell her that he was engaged or even that for 3 months she failed to notice this huge rock on OWs finger. Sadly for H it seems he had tried earlier to get D12 and S15 to notice (but bear in mind this was nearly 2 yrs ago) at a previous point in time but it went over their heads (thankfully for them).
So it's not just their spouses they are out to hurt it's sometimes their kids too.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
So it's not just their spouses they are out to hurt it's sometimes their kids too.
I believe it hurts EVERYONE! LBS,children,our family, their family, and.....them.
How can you begin a new relationship, get engaged/married when you've not finished your prior one? It can't be a healthy way to start a new life? Can it??
How does the OW feel? Do they know they will always be a secret second? How far is their head up their (our ) assests that they cannot comprehend what they're getting into? If I were (them) I more than likely would be getting pissed about things. In my sitch...I would think Fabs would be getting a bit annoyed that Rich is dishin out approx 3700.00 each month to keep this house going. BUT WAIT!! The poor thing probably doesn't even know....if he lies to me and keeps secrets, odds are he is doing the same to her.
Even if it is truly none of our business of they engage/remarry why is it such a secret? Why do they feel the need to keep it so closely hidden? Whoops, I think I already asked that
Even if asked point blank Rich will neither admit nor deny. To me, that is more than something being my business or not, it now starts to lead towards he's doing something wrong, or he feels guilty, embarrased or doing something WRONG!
I suppose..... right now the only thing that is my business concerning Rich is; the bills he is responsible for get paid on time, the house does not get forclosed on, my car does not get repo'ed, he maintains the outside structure of the house.
Only now, in retrospect, can I hear the alarm whistles that should have blown out my eardrums when Rich and I first met.
I cannot even imagine what goes on in his mind. It is beyond my thought process. Way beyond. I don't want to delve that far into the mind of his madness anymore. It's like quicksand. It will suck you in.
Like you said ACJ.....it went over their heads, thankfully for them. Some things are best going over our heads!!
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
Even if it is truly none of our business of they engage/remarry why is it such a secret? Why do they feel the need to keep it so closely hidden? Whoops, I think I already asked that
Jeanette, That is exactly what i was thinking.
I do think they are secretive because they know they are being a$$es.
And i totally agree that Fabs has been/ is being lied to. Ow do not feel like they are bing second best because they have settled for that. They do not believe they deserve the best of anything and that is why they settle for anyone who pays attention to them.
The thing they are being used and do not realize it!
Happy Friday!!!Aren't you on Spring break next week?
Kiki...Spring Break started today. Since I am an admin in the office....I don't really know what Spring Break is My boss does
Here i go again. Spinning around and around. It's so hard to live this way. Yes, I am thankful for all Rich does to keep this house going. I don't understand it, but I am thankful.
I'm also very tired. Yes, I have a life, but it's truly hard to actually GAL when your still tied to the old one.
Today, I sent another email, along with a text. The text said: Rich, we need to talk. If you have a spare hour this coming week pencil me in, I will be there.
He replied: Sure! No problem, I wil call you when I get off work.
I replied: Great! Call me whenever. But I want to meet face to face, you pick the time, call me when your ready.
He called today at 6:30pm. You talk about nervous blubbering speaking I don't know what to say to him anymore. I had just pulled into my driveway and my son and his friend were working on his amps. His friend saw my amps and we had an "Amp Off. I won. Sad but true, I have two 12's and a 10 in my truck.
Anyway, Rich and I were talking about nothing for a bit, then he had an incoming call and appoligized and said he would call me back. Yeah......right. He did. He said he would like to meet tomorrow but he works the late shift and it would be in the morning....I said thats fine but you have a long way to drive and I am really trying not to incomvenience you. He then said he knows I like my morning time so it was all good, but WEDNESDAY would be great....it's great for me simply because I have nothing else to do, so we agreed on Wednesday eve.
Now here is the weird part. He was not at home, he was going to an appt. He kept saying he could not find the address....then he said You do not know how frustrating my life is right now
I'm sorry, but I threw DB'ing to the wind and laughed for 5 minutes. He said in his most snarkyist voice, I'm sorry you find it so funny that my life is frustrating ........hehehehe......I said No honey, I do believe your life is frustrating, so is mine. I can't embelish upon your frustrations as I know nothing about them, neither do you of mine. Hell, my neighbors life is frustrating, life is frustrating......deal with it. He actually laughed
So then I said I have to go....he said I'll call you later! I said not....just meet me Wednesday, thats all i ask. He said Ok, then ended the convo with another "I'll call you later".
Now, I want to see the humor in this. I yearn to find this funny. I want to laugh in his face. His frustrations are not of my doing. My frustrations are because I am sitting here like some stupid fool waiting for the impossible. HE IS MARRIED. I think. I have no proof. He will not say yes or no. I asked.
When he wanted to leave I was against it. 2.5 years later, I want to leave, he stops me. This is so unhealthy, yet I keep going back to "when they wake up".
Grrrr........sigh, .........all I want is just a little bit of peace. Thats it. The rest I can deal with.
Ok, update over. Meeting Wednesday. I'm sure he'll cancel with some lame excuse before then as usual. It is is MO.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
And I thought my life was screwed up. Mine seems to be just beginning to be arousing from his 4 year coma...I can't even say slumber because it was way beyond that. Mine came dangerously close to losing all ties with our S18. Now he has called S18 and/or spent time with him 4-5 times since Easter.
Do you suppose he married OW and immediately went Whoa!! WTH did I do? What was I thinking, I still love my Jeanette?
Keep us posted. I know just how you feel about being tied to your old life.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
OMG I cannot believe they have the nerve to tell us how frustrating, or busy, their lives are. It is like little MLC self-centered reality.
Will he really not tell you if he is married? What's the point? I guess ANewME is right...he's already had his second thoughts, and he doesn't want to tell you what a big mistake he's made.
You know, if this was a novel and we were trying to sell it, people would say, no way, impossible, people aren't this crazy!
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
) assests that they cannot comprehend what they're getting into? If I were (them) I more than likely would be getting pissed about things. In my sitch...I would think Fabs would be getting a bit annoyed that Rich is dishin out approx 3700.00 each month to keep this house going. BUT WAIT!! The poor thing probably doesn't even know....if he lies to me and keeps secrets, odds are he is doing the same to her.
My boss does 
He said he would like to meet tomorrow but he works the late shift and it would be in the morning....I said thats fine but you have a long way to drive and I am really trying not to incomvenience you. He then said he knows I like my morning time so it was all good, but WEDNESDAY would be great....it's great for me simply because I have nothing else to do, so we agreed on Wednesday eve.
