You're welcome. Still need some more info. Do you and your w both work outside the home? Is your disabled son going to live with you forever, or will he be able to be in a group home of sorts? How has your wife handled his condition(s)? Any financial issues? How long have you been depressed and how are the meds working?
What is your impression of the OM? What does she SAY about him, if anything? Does she say how he makes her "feel"? It's a cliche, but that's b/c it really happens a LOT. "He/She makes me feel special" or "He/She accepts me for who I am." "Appreciates me", etc. And don't underestimate the value of familiarity and being comfortable with someone. Yes "new" is exciting, but it's also stressful and there are certain things only YOU know about her and it isn't all fun for her to have to "re-teach" the new guy that she, for instance, hates shrimp, or her dad was an alcoholic, etc. doesn't like the way her back side looks, which cologne smells good to her, etc. Memories will re-surface and not just bad ones. Plus, unless OM is actually perfect (which he can't be, since he is dating a married woman, mother of 3) he will have some faults you do not have. You won't lose on every comparison. It's impossible for you to lose on all counts. Let alone family reminders of good times and bonding moments.
What would you do differently if you could go back in time?
Sometimes I'd shake my head when my kids would ask wth was going on. I'd shrug as if to say, "he's not thinking straight right now" although I didn't say it outright like that. My d19 said (at age 17) that she knew what was going on; h was "being selfish." S21 (then 19) said the same thing.
Still, we all want to love and look up to our parents and find the good in them and there IS a lot of good in their dad. His MLC didn't bring out the best in him but did bring some good things out in me. You can choose whether you'll grow bitter, or just grow. And even though I detest the phrase "kids are resilient", b/c I think it usually precedes a selfish rationalization, it is still true. They also are forgiving. Or want to be. It helps them to see us do the forgiving, b/c how else will they know how to do it?
Keep on keeping on. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
