Wow, thank you for visiting!!! It is nice to "meet" you!
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Second - You seem so strong even from the beginning. Did you cry a lot, go through depression, etc.? You're very mature for your age.
thank you, I'm blushing Well, I didn't start posting until almost 3 months after the first bomb. So all of October and most of November was Crazy Transformer Time. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't really eat, I would pace back and forth in my apartment at four in the morning brushing my hair to try to calm down, I would call my friends on the west coast who were still awake so I could calm myself down and try to sleep. I talked so much on the phone that I almost injured my hand!! I asked every single friggin' person I trusted for advice. Sometimes it made me feel better, sometimes it made me feel much worse, and the thing was, I couldn't predict it at all.
At one point a close friend suggested that I FORCE my B to tell me if there was any hope and that if there wasn't I must move on. I hung up on her and had a panic attack... and then called another friend (it was almost midnight) to come over and help me calm down. I asked people to be on "watch" overnight so I could call them if I started freaking out. For some reason, I didn't cry that much, there were a couple big weepfests, but mostly I was just in shock.
Also, because I am in grad school for music and I was getting ready for a huge performance that was 18 days after the second bomb, I just had to keep on with everything in my life like it was normal. So more like, anxious and numb was how I felt. And trying to do everything possible to understand what was happening.
So... I was in a pretty different place back then... but as they say, "if you're going through hell, keep going." I really feel like this was a huge Wake Up Call from the Universe that I needed to get my S*&# together and change. I *thought* I had it together, but clearly, I did not!
Oh, I hope that was not too long!! I am going to read your story and tell you what I think!
Well, I didn't start posting until almost 3 months after the first bomb. So all of October and most of November was Crazy Transformer Time. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't really eat, I would pace back and forth in my apartment at four in the morning brushing my hair to try to calm down, I would call my friends on the west coast who were still awake so I could calm myself down and try to sleep. I talked so much on the phone that I almost injured my hand!! I asked every single friggin' person I trusted for advice. Sometimes it made me feel better, sometimes it made me feel much worse, and the thing was, I couldn't predict it at all. 