Call him and be friendly like you would have been with someone you love but haven't seen for a while. Do not leave a VM if he is not there. Just say, "It's me, I call you later or if you like call me at 678868975978698794375876544".
So, he has time to prepare and you let him know you ARE calling again.
Say something like " I would love to catch up with you", or something that makes it clear that at least as friends you want to have contact. Don't push but make it clear. Men are pretty much "I hear what you say, I DO NOT translate".
I agree with K....Don't leave a VM if he isn't there, or if you feel you have to, leave a short one as K suggested. The best thing would be for you to speak to him directly and to say it would be great to catch up....
In terms of how to actually speak to him, I would treat him as as good friend- be friendly and happy- your usual self I believe! Don't be nervous- there's no need to be; you've been preparing for ages, and you're ready.......also, success or failure won't depend on this one call- low expectations and baby steps remember. I think you're going to do brilliantly T!
L.xx
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
Guys I think I figured out why I feel so reluctant. When we were together we would talk on the phone and call each other WHENEVER. But after the first bomb he told me he didn't want to talk to me for at least a month and if I wanted to contact him I should contact him by email or letter, unless it was something "important". Then there was bomb #2. Then five months go by. I think I am still in the mode of thinking calling him on the phone is "forbidden" or "breaking the rules" (even though, when I called him to offer to move to NYC so we could be together in the same place, I left a voicemail, b/c I wanted him to hear my tone of voice). I am afraid of "making him angry". This is something I honestly was never afraid of before the bombs, it was not part of the dynamic of our relationship at all, but after the bombs, I was walking on eggshells, and feel like there are still eggshells all over the floor.
Please reassure me that these "rules" are no longer valid. I feel so retarded!!!
Those rules are no longer valid. MONTHS have passed. he contacted you. If you call, he is NOT going to say, 'T, look- you should have e-mailed me. I TOLD you not to phone me'
B was confused when he said those things right? he had some issues of his own that he needed to explore. As I recall you thought he might be having a QLC/early MLC when you first posted. Those guys never remember what they've said- take my H and his dislike of my hair and cooking and desire to move into a Swedish brothel as precendent for that.
Oh, and T, if you call and he is angry (HE WON'T BE- I would bet my left boob on it (it's the bigger one!)), but on the off-chance he is, that is GOOD because it means you still get under his skin.
DO IT!
L.xx
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
Hi T - Just read part I of your story after seeing on this thread that your situation is similar to mine.
First of all, I'm very happy for you that BF has made contact. That is exciting.
Second - You seem so strong even from the beginning. Did you cry a lot, go through depression, etc.? You're very mature for your age.
Third - You have gotten such wonderful advice from so many people. I am very happy to say that I've received advice from several also but the people advising me are telling me to move on and that my GF has made it clear that she's through, etc. Your advisors seem to be leaning in a more positive fashion. If you or any of your "friends" here have time, could you check out my thread and see what you think?
My advice to you is - call him up! You really don't have anything to lose. Good luck. K
