I am an idiot. I can't keep my stupid mouth shut!!! I swore to myself this afternoon that I was NOT going to contact H at all. Talking to him is just too painful right now. I knew he was coming to the house tonight so I made myself and the kids scarce. We went to my mom's house and chilled for the afternoon. He texted me to let me know he was leaving the house. I was SO angry with him on the ride home. Angry at him for doing this to me and the kids. Angry at him for making me believe him when he said he would always love me. Angry at him for being so OK with this! Then when I pulled into the driveway and parked it hit me like a ton of bricks. Half of his stuff is gone. He is REALLY moving out! I got the kids upstairs and instantly started to cry. I went outside, and he called me. I told him I was having a bad day, and he said he knew. I cried like a fool on the phone. I told him that it was really hard because when I am hurting I always call him to talk me through it. I can't call him now. He is the one hurting me! He said he knew that it was hard. I asked him if he was any closer to filing or had he gotten a lawyer yet. He said no. I asked if he was thinking about it or if he was still planning to give it more time. He said he hadn't been thinking about it, and he just doesn't know what is going to happen. Then he said he was in the car with his brother, and did I want him to call me back when he could talk. I told him that if he wanted to call me back he could, but I would just leave it up to him. I don't know if he will call back. I hate myself right now for talking to him about this. I am not supposed to be talking about our relationship with him. I am supposed to be trying to move on and let go. How do I do that?? I still love him more than anything! I am having the hardest time right now. If you made it this far, thanks for reading. Any hugs or advice is greatly appreciated. I have the weekend to myself because H is bringing the kids to the lake with his family. I should use that time to cry this out.
