I think I have read enough of your sitch that I can tell you there is no "going dark" or "LRT" for you. Hear me out, I ain't putting the nail in your coffin. What I'm about to say is something I sense you already know, you have got to work on yourself. That will leave you no time for strategizing. You can lament til the cows come home how you wish you'd found this site earlier in your marriage - God knows I do too - maybe I wouldn't have walked away...but maybe I would have since I was in MLC...anyway...what I believe is this: you found this site, and began to grow beyond the behaviors and attitudes that were instilled in you as a child, at exactly the most promising time for you to be able to effect a change. In yourself, Jen. That's where it starts and really, it ends there, too. You bear the burden to change first because it was you that reached out and found this site. That doesn't mean you love more, just means that desperation sent you out of your normal comfort zone. You dared to look - and now think - outside the box. You won't be able to impress or implore your husband to believe in all this. You have to walk it out as you grow. It takes time but you have an edge. You have history and not all of it is bad. Now change the dynamic of your entire relationship by changing yourself. Then watch what happens. It is all you can do and no matter what, you will be better off, because you are going to be breaking a cycle your mother started. You will be showing your daughter a wonderful thing, instead of setting her up to be just like her grandma - and you now see firsthand what that can bring.
You might inspire change and growth in your husband but I can guarantee you this: you won't do it with words. You can only do it over time and with your actions. Actions that will become more and more natural to you as you go through this process of learning and growing.
