I was almost a WAW, so I can identify with what you are talking about. What you said about you didn't know if you could ever take back your W b/c of the trust that had been broken, etc. If she had had a mental disorder, a nervous break-down, or something of that nature that caused her to act and talk like somebody you never knew.....would you feel the same way about taking her back? I know, your first thoughts are, "But that is different! They are sick when they are life that!" Yes, and I think a person in MLC is sick too. A lot of people won't agree with me about that, but there is something that happens to them that takes them over and they aren't the same person...don't think the same, talk or act the same.
For a person in real MLC, it is like something has snatched the real person and replaced it with some alien that can be incredibly curel and selfish. During this period of time, they usually make the worst decisions of their lives and hurt the ones that they once would have died for in a heart beat.
For an example, your W saying she resented having the kids. What she is resenting is the fact she cannot be that single carefree person that can date and play and not have to answer to anyone or any responsibilities. She wants to go back in time and get that....but it isn't possible and in doing so, she will cause a lot of hurt. Most people in MLC finds OP they think will be their knight or their princess to meet their unfulled desires and needs. They are looking at the "grass is greener" land and it looks so much better than reality. Maybe they harbor a lot of resentment b/c they did not get to fulfill a dream career that they truly wanted, or go to school, or whatever. Maybe it is the fact they are getting older and see life passing them by and they can't handle it. Perhaps they have been unhappy in the M for years and are full of resentment b/c nothing changes for the better. Maybe it is a constant string of things gone bad that has caused too much stress. This is my personal view, but I think that they reach a point that something triggers all of this MLC stuff, and first thing you know, you are living with a stranger.
The LBS has to decide if their S is valuable enough to wait it out, fight it out, or DR it out. Remember how you felt about her on your wedding day? You were ready to sign up for whatever the future held.....right? Remember those vows, "For better or for worse".....well, here comes the "worst". Can you handle it? Is she worth it?
The people here on this board will help you all they can. You need to continue to post often and tell us as much as you can about what is going on. Read other people's stories and the advice they received. You will find it amazing how much these begin to sound alike.
First of all, you have to decide if you are in for the long haul or if you want out. If you decide to hang in there....you are going to hear two words more than anything else....time and patience.....b/c that is the key.
Let us hear what you decide. Take care of you and the girls.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
