Well...Thank you Aud and Cat for lingering around my stagnant space! I think I will reply to some of the questions first and then go into more detail my predicament or sitch.
Aud, Where do I want to go from here is beyond a million dollar question. I feel all my options have been exhausted. I have played and toyed with all my opportunities to the extent that I feel I might not have any left. As far as my "M", I am not so sure I want to really continue that either. I feel that my contact with my W and children and being stuck as the maintenance man (hence, the 70's sitcom One day At A Time) is not going to work much longer. I am constantly surrounded by guilt and if by chance I forget that guilt I am quickly reminded by one of my children or W. All my angst comes from me, the finger of blame is pointed at me. What My children or W don't realize is that I beat them to it far before they had a chance to lift their own fingers. I need to find some traction somewhere in circumstance. I am not all that bad,,,really. Just self absorbed not in material things but in my mental outlook...the glass is cloudy my friends. So Aud, any ideas I would certainly welcome them. I would go back to school but I really feel that there is some sort of learning disability going on here. How I get tested away from the public school system I don't know. I used to rely on my intricate memory, that I no longer carry. Cat, My middle son is immersed in Baseball through my W and his own. It is good for him, I just get tired of killing myself 5-6 days a week with shuttling when I have a little one to care for as well. While working, I adjusted my whole timeline and life around my kids and wife. Now I have to adjust it again while looking for work. I have brought this up to my W and she said that she just CANT do it! She can't wake up earlier in the morning because it would make her miserable..I thought the same things when I had to get up at 3:30 am every morning and go to bed at 12:00 midnight. So I dont know ...I have to get away but how? I dont shuck responsibilities, never have but I dont really like being thrown to the wolves every night either. My mind is empty but that is a few more crumbs from my plate...Peace
