4. Yeah, we all know and get that she wasn't there for you. That she didn't help you when you needed it most, that she kicked you when you were down, etc, etc, etc.AND THAT TRULY SUCKS, FRANK. You seem to REALLY ,REALLY want her to be held accountable for that transgression. You seem to hold on to that so tightly that it keeps you from moving forward. It almost seems like if you could get some small indication from her that she understands the wrong that she did to you, that MAYBE, you might be able to release that and stop focusing on it and thus become functioning and productive and healthy again. SHE'S NOT IN THE PLACE TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN RIGHT NOW, IF EVER. ARE YOU GOING TO LET THAT CONTINUE TO KEEP YOU PARALYZED?
No, I guess that is a big problem. I think that I believe if she could 'see' what was really wrong, that she would realize that her reasons for leaving were wrong and she'd want to give us another chance. That's my big mistake. She's done and nothing will change that.
Nothing. It's over. It's done. I'm on my own now and regardless, I still have to deal with the finances without any meaningful help from her.
No, I guess that is a big problem. I think that I believe if she could 'see' what was really wrong, that she would realize that her reasons for leaving were wrong and she'd want to give us another chance. That's my big mistake. She's done and nothing will change that.
Well, there's no telling what time and life kicking her in the ass will do. But you can't hang out waiting to find out or you will just get old and bitter.
Take care of yourself, Frank.
Live for yourself and your daughters.
You are still trying to force her to see and feel what only LIFE EXPERIENCE is able to make a person see and feel.
You could have taken those words right out of my counselor's mouth!!
Frank,
You have got to stop covering for her. Give her the reality checks that spitfire suggests. Make her pay for the frickin' groceries, for crying out loud!!!
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
Well, there's no telling what time and life kicking her in the ass will do. But you can't hang out waiting to find out or you will just get old and bitter.
I think this is what I've shared with you a couple times Frank. I know that you know this. I also know that it's very hard to finally accept that you've reached a point where you have to admit that you are powerless to stop this.
You are getting there, if our conversations are any indication. I think this "righteous" anger that you've moved into is a sign that you are seeing clearly now. But spit is right - you still want her to acknowledge that SHE is the one who has given up. You have to find a way to stop letting that be your primary focus.
She's not going to "realize" anything until she has a chance to "live" her dream.
Momma always said be careful what you wish for.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
He likes to find new ways to hold on and not make it seem so obvious.
You gotta get up earlier in the morning to fool this crowd, Frank.
And I'm lucky that I don't get up too early...
I think I'm probably just afraid - to let go - because even miserable it's not like I'm 'alone'. I'm still holding on to anything, no matter how small. That's probably why my counselor wants me to get her out of the house, so I can let go and move forward. The hurt and anxiety just stays with me all the time.
Well, I can't get her out. What I can do is continue to work on the acceptance that it's over.
It's over. Maybe if I write it 100 times in my journal it will sink in.
