As of this moment, I am feeling good. I think my late night message got through loud and clear, as he seems to have woken up, so to speak. My husband was extremely kind to me this morning, not an exceptionally common occurance. He's not an ass of a person, our relationship has just spiraled into a deep funk. Extreme kindness, even after a quarrel, is not readily distributed.
In reading some db techniques again last night, I guess I am officially in the last resort mindset, but as I read a great post about such, it should be an all the time mindset.
The question is, how can I stay in this mindset. Unfortunately, and particularly with my particularly depressive tendencies as of late, I'm at a loss on what I can do to really bring joy to my life. As a highly critical and competitive person (but not necessarily expressively), I accomplish much, even when I wonder what the purpose of it all is and think about sitting around and doing puzzles all day instead. However, I want to be able to find more that reallys brings me joy and a sense of accomplishment simultaneously.
I wish I had a more laissiaz faire attitude, and am constantly awed at my husband's "luck" by just ambling along sometimes. Everything just works out without much planning or fretting over details.
flylady.net has some good principals for the average perfectionist woman to apply, and I find come comfort knowing that humanity is gereally humbled by its need to just smile and do whatever needs doing moment by moment.
I think ultimately I just need to be kinder to myself. Even though I love myself, I push and push and have high expectations of myself above all others (anyone want to guess why my mother's visit sent me spiraling downward? ;-). For someone who tries to be a behavioral therapy kind of gal, Freud would have a field-day with me, I'm sure.
I probably should look into joining some sort of "you are great" support group, because obviously I need more positive affirmation than I am currently receiving. And maybe, just maybe, my new less antagonistic approach to fixing what I perceive as my marital shortcomings will help by allowing my husband to be more supportive.
I would sure appreciate hearing other's thoughts. I am a believer in a global "neural net" (some may call it the holy spirit), and hope to have a clearer idea of the path I should travel.
Namaste, LQT
Last edited by loonyqt; 03/27/0805:23 PM.
36 y/o HD in committed monogomous relationship for 15 years (at least on my end, assumed on his as well) 2 children, 6.5 dd & 5 ds
