Please help...need MLC advice

[tpaschal]

Momof2,

Thanks so much for responding. So your H was only gone for 6 months? Wow. I have to say, I'm really jealous. I really believed that my H would only be gone 6 months, that he needed a break, or time to try on a new personality, etc. But it's been over a year now, and a D is imminent.

When did your H move out? Was it a much younger OW? Has he moved back home now?

In re-reading your post, I see that your H's OW had kids of her own. Do you think that was a factor in their break-up? Why DID they break up?

I think my H is sooooo "hooked in" to the 22 yr. old OW that even though I know they fight and argue and it isn't all the happy paradise he thought it would be, it will be VERY difficult for him to ever break it off with her, even if he wanted to.

H has told me many, many times that he is never coming back, and that OW will MAKE HIM HAPPY for the rest of his life! I know he has talked trash about me to OW, and to a few other friends and coworkers (completely untrue or exaggerating common marital problems---finances, sex, etc.) to the point where he would feel foolish having to take it all back. He is very stubborn, and I think he would probably prefer to stick with OW than to have to admit that he made a HUGE mistake.

OW is very young and immature in a lot of ways, but she is also a VERY good manipulator. From what I can see, she seems to have most of the control in the relationship. Plus, she's got a lot of crap going on in her own life that would make him feel guilty for leaving her---her mom just got remarried and so that might make it difficult for her to move back home, her sister is moving away to grad. school, and her dad just had a major stroke and is very ill in the hospital (though I have no idea what his prognosis is.)

I guess my problem right now is---I am still trying to decide what to do and how to handle things based on what I think H's reaction will be.

I know I shouldn't do that, I know I need to detach and focus on what's best for me and the kids, and leave him out of the equation as much as possible.

But I want be the honey that draws the bee---I want to do things that will draw him back to us, not push him further away! I guess what I need to accept is to do what's right, no matter how he reacts.

Problem is, I don't know what's right. I really, really don't.

And I can't help but be scared. I don't want a divorce.

<sigh>