Help me act AS IF, Thread 4

[newnamenewlife]

When I do kiss or hug H, it's partially out of habit (still). I tend to do it in front of the kids, I suppose to show them that I'm not the one withdrawing affection. It's a little manipulative--or you could call it acting as if-- but it makes me feel better to continue to show H I still love him than to pull away completely, like he's doing. I also continue to call him sweetie and other pet names from time to time.

I was grocery shopping this morning and imagining how awful it will be if we separate, but I run into him at the store or on the street. He wants to live as close to the kids as possible, so that will be unavoidable. The whole thing feels like a nightmare. I wish I could accept this, forgive and let go, but boy is that stuff easier said than done.