Hope, I know how you feel. My W and I have days where I'm convinced we're on the path to D. On other days, she wants to connect.
It's tough when the intimacy or connection waxes and wanes. You don't have any solid ground to stand on. I can understand your frustration and fear.
I think one of the lessons to be learned from a Piecing experience where we are trying to heal a M that has been thru a crisis, is that we have to cultivate our own happiness. Our happiness cannot depend on the outcome of our M, or the ambivalence of a spouse.
There is suffering involved in healing a M. This is an emotional time. Our lesson is to not add to suffering with our own layers of unhappiness.
I think the emotions you're feeling are expected and normal. As far as the lapse in intimacy, after you keep up the daily work of happiness, then you keep up faith that a M can be healed, and hope that intimacy can be restored.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
