Hi sh- We all do seem to crash from time to time. But those of us who have been doing this awhile know that as time goes on, we do bounce back quicker.
Sorry to hear you have been stressed about finances. If you can stand on your own, it might be the best for you. Do you have any kind of financial arrangement with your H or does he just give you $ when he feels like it? If you don't, you might want to think about getting one.
You will be okay...devine sign or not. You are a strong, intelligent woman who can take care of herself and her kids. Don't doubt yourself.
When it all starts to go downhill, I feel like I unravel so quickly and so easily! Everything I know goes right out the window and I start doubting everything. But you're right about bouncing back quicker.
I offered the money to sort out the financial sitch, so I feel better having done that, even though it wasn't accepted. I don't know if H will ever find out about it, and I don't really care if he does or not. Honestly, I can't stand on my own living here. Housing is far too expensive. I could be more independent if I were to move. I had finally made the decision to stay here a while longer since my friends are all here and the kids and I have our lives here and are happy. Now that I am faced with this, I may have no choice.
I have no financial arrangement with H. He is not the one supporting me - my MIL is. It's very complicated. She doesn't want to me leave and doesn't want us to D, but I can't stay in this sitch forever.
Spoke to my friend again today. Her H also told her that my H said that it's over between us. Why do I continue to hold out hope when he's said it over and over again? Am I in denial? There is no doubt about it that he's having an MLC, but he's slowly changing back to himself - being slightly more responsible financially for us, admitting to others that what he's doing is wrong. I'm starting to believe that he knows what he's talking about and that there is no hope left for us, nor will there ever be.
So tired of this but however ready I may be for D, I still don't think it's the best option.
Hi sh- That is nice that you have your MIL in your corner. Does she ever give your her opinion on what she thinks you should do?
Don't know how much inspiration I can give you, but even if your H acting more like his old-self and is telling people that it is over between you, it doesn't really matter. He still has a lot of guilt to process and besides that he and the orge are on again-off again. Nobody knows what the future has to hold and he isn't pushing for the D. If you aren't ready for the D, then just be as happy as you can living your life. I know how difficult and frustrating this is...but as you told me, unless you are looking to get remarried (or start the dating process to get remarried), then what is the point of persuing the D?
What would happen if you gave up without filing for the D?
SH Sorry for your hard time I think all we can do is take care of ourselves, keep going in our lives leave H behind now we can leave the D open and let them initiate It baffles me why some of these mlcers dont file while many others file right away why not file if your sure also nice to know your H is having A problems with the ogre maybe the heaven picture you saw is a sign.. I always hear just wait continue in your stand listen to your heart maybew it doesnt make sense but not now,in your heart you have the answer im not sure we can follow logic in this MLCer issue or maybe you need a little more time to see if H and Ogre break up justy to see what will happen I dont know how a person finally makes a decision to not stand i am not there yet and i can empathize about wanting to just get out of it but maybe we can move ahead doing what we need to without filing maybe we could pray for guidence to know everyday I pray for H I akso pray that I would be led to Gods plan so if that means D, that I would break any denials and do gods will as ant other choice be it logical or not will not be right only gods will will be the highest road and most efficient path for npow patience peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Thank you for always being there for me. The LRT would be filing. I don't think H would fight me on it, but I do think a D is possibly the only way of ever having a chance of him coming home.
OC,
Thank you for the phone call. Sorry if I made you worry!
I've been up and down. I feel like I bounced back quickly, but then sank again. A lot of it was brought on by the stress of finding out I will have to move. Now it's just a matter of deciding if I should stay here or make the huge jump and move to another country. It would allow me the chance to take full responsibility for myself and my kids and to remove myself (at least physically) from this dysfunction.
I've also been doing a lot of unproductive questioning, particularly asking 'What about me?'. Resentment towards H and his irresponsibility has snuck it's way back in.
I'm again realizing my part in H's leaving. How he must have felt like a failure at work because of his father and at home because of me. And how do I go about fixing that when I still don't think that he is a better father now that we are S (he thinks he is). It's just not in me to praise him when I don't feel it.
Thinking about how much I really do love him unconditionally too. And how my love should set him free and not hold him back. Maybe the D will do that for him.
I was watching a movie yesterday and in it, Morgan Freeman's character was talking about thinking you know a person better than they know themselves. I think that's the case with me and H, when in fact, maybe I don't know my H at all.
I still think that H needs to hit rock bottom before he'll realize any thing. It seems like his previous breakups with ogre haven't had much effect on him. I don't know what his rock bottom looks like, and more importantly, I don't see it happening any time soon.
Lots of stuff going on inside my head. Need to do some serious thinking and decision making. Will keep you updated.
H had dinner with mutual friend from HS a few weeks ago. Told friend that he thinks D is the best thing for both of us. Friend thinks H is enjoying being single, having no responsibilities. I wish someone would ask him why he doesn't file if he really believes it's over.
I need to talk to H about financial stuff. I messaged him the other day to see if he wanted to go to lunch. He said it was a bad week for him and that next week is better. Still avoiding me. My guess is he thinks I want to talk about D again. I didn't say anything about needing to speak to him about anything- only asked if he wanted to have lunch.
Other than being nicer, I don't see any progress in H. I still feel like I need to move forward with D soon.
As a last ditch effort, I'm going to try to create those warmy fuzzy feelings when I'm around H. We had reached a point a few weekends ago where we were talking comfortably, then I went and got all pissy again because I was stressed out, which put us back 2 steps. Not that I see it as making any difference at all.
Tomorrow's my chance. I'll also try to talk to him about financial issues since it really can't wait until next week (and because I don't think his idea of next week will ever come).
Hi sh- Of course your H is going to tell everyone that he thinks a D is the way to go...he would look like more of a sap then he already does if he didn't. If he said he didn't know what he wanted, then most people would suggest trying to work on the M...and if he were to work on the M then he would have to be responsible and come back to reality. I think your H avoiding lunch with you is interesting. If he really wanted the D, wouldn't you think he would be eager to get it started...unless less there is some other reason (like financial) to avoid it.
Good luck with your talk tomorrow. Let us know how it goes.
SH I have wondered why some of these guys file while others dont and dont want to discuss it like it isnt the solution to the problem I agree with UD--They only seem to live in a delusional reality and they tell others they are done, M is over, been over for years ect and maybe they belive it but they just dont want to make any permanent decisions yet
I see all of this in my h who never brings up the D word and has avoided any discussion about it, but also has told every friend we both know -it is over, and freinds have told me to move on after speaking to him so I dont know maybe it is financial or another form of avoidance maybe both something stops them I dont see my H having a firm grasp on reality and teenagers can make adult decisions peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
