H is having affair after all

[25yearsmlc]

Eva,

I think your actual words were "I'm trying to DB, but I just don't want him to think he is forgiven...." or words to that effect.

Think hard about what that means. I KNOW you are still reeling and have not had time to sort this out or know where you stand with him, really, or where he stands with you....lots to process....

But I cannot imagine any man thinking "he's forgiven", because of DBing, which is not condoning or accepting of infidelity.

My h has apologized for his Alaskan obsession and moving here, etc. but he is more expressive of thanking me for coming than giving me the grand apology. I do not know of or believe he had an A. But he sure took a long time to miss us enough to say much. Looking back, I can honestly say he was DEPRESSED most of the time, but highly functional at work. I couldn't tell and I often suspected he was out having a ball while I was 300//3000 miles away with the kids and the house and school. In reality I think he had 80+ hour work weeks in the hospital doing his fellowship (456th credential possible...) and falling asleep in his bed, alone. I, on the other hand, DID GAL and truly began enjoying myself. I MISS those times with just the girls, and our son on the holidays, which h could only get a fews day for...We got used to the advantages it had and became very close. I feel sorry for my h. He is just glimpsing how much he missed and I think he envies the intimacy I have with our children. I hope he can regain some of it. In time. My children are forgiving and do love him. But perhaps they'll never see him the same way. I think that is sad, tragic, but probably true. Doesn't mean staying M isn't worth it. But their choices do leave scars, and so do ours if we don't watch out.

Please surrender to what you have no control over, which is most everything about your h's conduct/words/feelings/thoughts. You cannot control him and your efforts to do so, are wasted efforts that could be spent on YOU and GAL and your business perhaps, and of course, your beautiful children.

(( j- ))