Thanks for stopping by. You are making some good points. I really would like to get to that place of living my life for me. I think that part of what holds me back is this irrational (but feels so true) belief that I will not be able to survive / be happy / cope / be loved /etc without her. I've been reading Susan Anderson's book on abandonment and she notes how common this kind of all or nothing feeling is when the person is moving through the first phase, called "shattering".
I'm thinking I need to try to nurture and support myself more through this phase of things, which honestly has absolutely terrified me beyond anything I've felt before. The thought of not having her in my life reaches so deep into my soul and scares the heck out of me.
You know, at least regardless of what happens, it is validating to know that she has seen me making changes and working on myself--because I have been quite subtle about it (DB style). That she finds it "very attractive" is an important signal to me that (again, regardless of what happens), these things are in the direction I need to grow as a person.
Mink, you seem to be doing well with believing in yourself...how did you get to this place? And are you able to stay there?
