You said, "When she thinks I am "mad at her" she draws closer. She is either afraid of losing me (she had a lot of abandonment in her childhood) or she is still not sure what she wants and is maintaining contact or a lifeline to me until she does know."
I think this is practically identical to my sitch, except that I think I would replace "mad" with "sad". You really seem to be doing great with finding some balance in all this. CK is right, 18 months is a long time...how have you been able to hang in there / what has kept you going strong?
