Thanks, Shades for the comment about people believing what they are going to believe and you having no control other than your own behavior.
I am struggling with this with my IL's. H admitted in his roundabout way that he has been badmouthing me to his parents. They not only ignore me but also S18. They send S21 money and talk to him on the phone but they don't call or have anything to do with S18. The problem I have with that is the promise first of all that they would always love and I would always be their DIL and most importantly that they have not even asked S18 how he feels about the situation. I can understand the blood is thicker than water but S18 is their blood...so WTH?
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
It's so sad that your IL's are choosing to believe what your H is telliing them. They know what kind of person you are and should be able to determine what is truth and lie. I do think the parents of the MLCer may be particularly desparate for a R with the MLCer since they seem to shut everyone out, even their parents. And I can in a way understand it because I would be terrified of losing a R with my kids. But on the other hand I would hope I'd be able to see the truth and call them out on it if I felt they were lying. Who knows. It's easier to "say" what you would do if you haven't been put in the situation.
None of this however is a reason to let a R with their grandson go. There are no winners in that situation. Your S18 loses out on so much, and so do they. Has your S18 tried to reach out to them? I believe the grandparents should be doing the reaching, but just a thought.
Long day at work, D5 is at a playdate for a little bit and D9 is at CCD. I have to go pick them up in 30 min then run them to Brownies and pick them up an hour later. Then we come home and get ready for tomorrow. I'm pooped.
I am happy to hear that Vanilla Ice agreed to get the divorce done in Arizona. It really makes much more sense.
Sorry to hear that you would have to give up your babies for 4 weeks in the summer. I would hate that, but I am glad you can look at the positive side and realize you have them the rest of the time.
IMHO, I don't think that he could last 4 weeks with them. I think your girls would miss you terribly and I wouldn't be surprised if they ask to go home after a week.
Mrs. H is right. Your darling kids will miss you terribly. You are irreplacable. In addition, you have virtues. You have stood by your marriage. Your H has not. Your kids will piece it all together. Comfort them. You may seek guidance from their school counselor too.
I feel deeply for what you're facing. In the not so distant future, you'll see the silver lining.
Please take care of yourself. Keep the GAL up. In these times, depression can slither in!
Mrs, the job is going well. Today when I came back from lunch there was a box sitting on my desk. I had no idea what it could be, I haven't told anyone where my office is so nobody could send me anything. Well, I opened and inside was a sweet note from an elderly gentleman I helped with his accounts the other day saying that he made this gift, it's one of his hobbies and he wanted to thank me for being so nice to him. There in the box is one of the most beautiful wooden bowls I have ever seen. I was speechless and very touched. I didn't do anything spectacular, just doing my job and being polite and it touched him enough he sent this to me. I love it. But, one of the managers walked by and said he doesn't think I can keep it since we are not allowed to accept gifts from clients, I will find out on Wednesday if I have to send it back. I would hate to insult this lovely man, he was just being kind. But it made me feel good that someone appreciated what I had done.
I talked to my MIL today. I called to see how our friend was holding up after the funeral. She's doing as well as can be expected. Her family leaves tomorrow, my MIL is going to try and stay another week and they may come to visit us here next weekend. We would love that.
Anyway, MIL said that she made sure everyone knows that I wanted to be there. She also said that our friend said right to STBX & OW that "XXX loved Shades and the girls as much as life itself." I love her.
MIL said OW was nice but given the circumstance she would have to be. She said she only talked to STBX & OW for about 20 mintues total and FIL didn't really talk to them at all and left right after the service to fly out of the country.
I would have had problems getting home had I gone because my flight is one out of Chicago that was cancelled the other day. That wouldn't have been good.
Last night the girls school was having a fundraiser, so we went and ate BBQ and each grade got up and sang a song. It was sweet. Then we had snow cones and came home and went to bed.
Tonight was dinner and a movie at home with my sis & bil. Tomorrow we have the Brownie Bash for D9, a bday party for D5 to go to and then I am going out with my gf for her bday. Never a moment of peace around here. But I love being mom and running them around. Laundry can wait until Sunday.
Shades, what a sweet thing that customer did for you. I hope you can accept the gift. What a great reminder to you on how you are such a sweet, caring person!
I love what your MIL said at the funeral. Good for her and good for FIL for not talking to the ow. He doesn't approve of their R, and is not afraid to show it.
You sound like you have a busy weekend. I hope you enjoy it!
It would really be nice if every MIL/FIL of WA's with children would take a stand about these MLCers actions. Mine swore they would always love me and I would always be their DIL but when push comes to shove, they are accepting OW and ignoring me.
Sucks!
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
I'm so sorry that the IL's in most cases cater to the MLCer and leave the LBS hurt. I am very fortunate that my ILs have not done this so far. That doesn't mean at some point they won't, there is always that chance, but at the moment they are still very invovled with me and the kids. My ILs have been very hurt by STBX's actions and he has all but ignored them for most of the last 2 years. It's so strange and sad how the MLCer will tear apart everything that used to be important to them.
Hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I'm headed out with my gf for her bday and the kiddos are spendng the night with my folks.
