03/24/08 11:45 PM -- is when I sent what I thought had been my best advice for you at this time. At 12:01 AM --you responded and you agreed completely and said that it even worked when you had dated your W. But, you had a very hard time believing her sitting down with you to watch Michelle's DVD was not a good idea....b/c you believed it would help so much.
The next morning at 8:15 Am -- I responded to that post about the DVD and tried to get you to see that purchasing tapes and books for her to read doesn't work, and I explained why. You respond to my post at 5:53 PM about the idea of you "going dark" on her. At 5:55 you go back to the DVD again. At 6:07 PM--I say I think it is not the right time to go dark and with the kids, etc. it would not work well and that you aren't ready emotionally to go dark and maybe when you are strong enough. At 7:02 PM (same day) you say this:
Quote:
So then what do I do, what I am doing right now is not helping.
This was less than 24 hours. Does this show what kind of state that you are in??? Sweetie, give it time! When a person emotionally detaches from their S (which you haven't yet) and applies the techniques that I gave you (which you haven't yet) that you even agreed had worked in the past.....you can't expect to see a complete change of heart in less than 24 hours!
I'm not picking on you, I'm just trying to get you to see how impatient you are--to the point of being frantic. You've got to calm down and be cool if you are to ever expect her to look your way again. You are wanting a magic pill to work over night and it is not going to happen. Nothing magic happens in these cases....only a lot of hard work for a long time. In fact, I recommend that you completely re-read the book again, b/c I think in your frame of mind, you have taken some things out of context or lost the idea along the way or something.....I'm not sure.
You are probably thinking that this is easy for me to say b/c I am not in your shoes. You are correct, I'm not.....but I was almost a WAW and I can tell you that she can see the fear in your eyes, hear it in your voice and see it in your actions....and it spells "weakness" to her. You want to be strong and cool and sexy. You are in panic palace! You have to take a step at a time....not jump straight to the last page of the book.
You agreed with what I told you, but you haven't even tried it out yet. And, I wasn't talking about one time! This has got to be repeated time after time after time....until it gets her attention. Plus we have tried to tell you to get a life. Have you? What are you doing that doesn't include the kids and is just for Ping? Your mind is on her 24/7.....which is normal, I can understand that, but you've got to fight the urges to do all the wrong things and listen to the people here on the board who have been through some of this stuff.
I knew a couple that he coached a little league team. The couple had two boys on the team. After she left him, she would show up at the games to watch the boys play. The H, however, couldn't even watch what was going on in the field b/c of watching her in the stands. Now, who do you think was winning that little game? She came out there all dolled up and acting like a social butterfly going from one person to the other while he was melting in his shoes out there for everyone to see. But, when he finally came to his senses and started acting like the man she fell in love with.....she couldn't get to him fast enough. However, it did not happen over night and that is what I'm trying to tell you here. Go back and read the posts.
Keep working and take care.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
