I would like to ad some thoughts to this discussion if no one minds. At the end of my marriage I was accused of verbally abusing my ex. He said I could "wound him with the most casual statement." At the time I thought it was stupid to admit that a "causal statement" had hurt him. I've since realized that what some feel are insignificant words can be very demoralizing to others.
I think we should always be very careful what we say and do but we can't walk on eggshells or watch our every action. The other person has to be willing to open their mouth and say they have been hurt by some action or word. For some reason my ex didn't feel safe telling me that what I had said was hurtful. The lady that posted about not exercising in front of her husband didn't feel safe telling him at the time that his joking was hurting her feelings and now, all these years later she has a problem engaging in that activity in his presence. That is so sad!
I have caught myself keeping hurtful things inside for fear the other person will think I am silly or will dismiss my reaction to what has happened.
BM,s picture episode is a good example of arguing over anything but the true problem. It wasn't about the picture at all but about the feelings she had over the fact that the picture was purchased for the ex wife. Who knows why she couldn't just come out and say that. Bottom line is, everyone involved needs to be able to speak up and listen. If my ex had told me that some sarcastic, harmless (I felt) remark that I made on a regular basis was hurtful to him I would have stopped. Instead he let it fester and become one of the reasons he felt he had to have a divorce. Ain't marriage grand! Cathy~
