Looking backward but only to move forward SEVEN

[sage]

OK I s*&k that I post and run. Honestly, the word "run" at the time was not a misnomer...I was thinking "I need to be DB'ing" and was paralyzed...when did THAT happen??? Sigh. In the long run, though, I guess I was doing ok because h had a major job-related meltdown of epic proportions a week or so ago...back to ranting, raving, telling me he was going to quit his job the next day, completely screwed up some very important (really) plans of mine...but all I learned DB'ing reminded me to keep my mouth shut, keep my stress level to myself, etc. etc. The next day he surprised me with flowers and told me that I had had every chance to rail at him and hurt him in retaliation and I didn't...that I knew how vulnerable he was and didn't take advantage...I guess I do know what I'm doing after all.

I think of posting multiple times a day. I honestly don't know what the heck keeps me from it...yah, time, but it feels like more than that...I think it's fear...of going back to how it was and reliving it all. He said something yesterday that reminded me of "then" and I ached from remembering it. Also, a friend of mine just went through his wife having an EA (it appears that they are on the mend) and it was just so painful to hear his hurt. Painful but productive, actually.

SG, I KNOW I need to romance h. I truly know that. I need to actually do it, however.

AMD, it HAS been a while since the checkup...I will say that I just started exercising again and it appears to making a huge difference in my mood so you are right on!

LL...you are a wise woman! Yup, I'm goal oriented, but listing positives is really what got me off many a DB plateau...here goes...

1. I truly believe that h and I have a solid foundation based on our history together but also on the hard work we did rebuilding our marriage.

2. QT = good times for us. Spending time together WORKS.

3. Despite the proverbial "terrible twos", every day with Charlotte is better, more fun, and slightly easier on us.

4. We know what works for us even if we don't always do it.

5. I built up an enormous amount of goodwill DB'ing.

6. I do believe that my h, in general, feels accepted by me.

7. H is a good man, who wants to be appreciated and loved and knowing that I can make him see it is so.

8. I am SO MUCH less reactive now than I was pre-DBing.

9. Once I get past whatever blind spot is tripping me up, I can almost always see the issue right away.

10. I've got oodles of Db'ing experience...that can only help. :-)

Sage